I have spent the last last 3 weeks of my last year in graduate school walking around letting my earthly circumstances dictate my actions and responses to those around me. (And if I'm really honest, I've done this for a lot longer than just the last 3 weeks of my life). I went into this year feeling like somebody else had dug a GIANT hole, pushed me into it, and ran away while yelling, "Good luck getting out!.." I begrudingly spent weeks looking up out of my hole wondering how I was ever going to make it out, instead of praying for God to show me what He was teaching me while I was in it… and then asking HIM to help me out of it when He was ready for me to climb out.
How easy it is to justify our actions by our circumstances… "If i wasn't so busy, I would make room in my day to meet up with a freind I know is struggling.." "If I wasn't so stressed out, I wouldn't be so short with people.." "If I didn't work so much, I'd serve more.." "If I didn't have school work to do, I'd read my bible instead.." "If people weren't so annnoooyyinnngg sometimes, I wouldn't treat them so poorly.." "If somebody else hadn't dug a giant hole and pushed me into it, I'd never be in a giant whole to begin with…" Oh how the list oculd go on and on… Praise God, He's already forgiven me for my many short comings.
I know God is using this year of pre-World Race preparation to heal me, grow me, nurture me, poor into me, redeem me, and lead me into being the person He wants me to be when I leave to join His ministry around the world next year. So, I supposed I shouldn't have been surprised when He said to me, "Hey girlfriend, your problem is not your circumstances! These circumstances are merely revealing what is already in your heart." Boom. Just like that my world was shaken and I realized what a year of testing and fine tuning really was about: God pointing out the things in my heart I have yet to give to Him and allowing Him to lead me to the abundant life only found in His grace and love.
It's so easy to be loving when you're circumstances are perfect and you're surrounded by people that are easy to love. But, with the perfect love of our perfect God running through our very being, why should that change just because our circumstances change? I face this year determined not to let the circumstances of my difficult year dictate the amount of joy in my life or the amount of love I poor out on others. I will willingly work each and every day at whatever I am doing as though I were working for the Lord, rather than for people (Col 3:23), and I will fearlessly and joyfully plead for my Father in heaven to point out anything in me that offends Him, and lead me along the path of everlasting life (Psalm 139:24).
Some days I'm quick to let my excitement for next year, rush me through the discipline, lessons, missions, and blessings God has for me right here this year. But the truth is, if God wanted me on WR this year, I would be on WR this year. I trust what God has for my time here in Baton Rouge, and I am thankful for all He is doing in and around me here. I pray that He keeps me focused, gives me eyes to see what He continues to do on LSU's campus, and blesses me with the opportunity to join Him there.
God has laid these 2 scriptures on my heart as a prayer focus for me as He prepares my heart and soul for this year and next:
"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." Colossians 3:23
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." Psalm 139:23-24
I pray that you will join me in praying these things for my life and for your own as well.
I can't thank each of you enough for the love, prayers, and support that has been graciously poured out on me the past few weeks. I pray that you will subscribe to my blog and be blessed by what God is doing through your generous contributions.
One Love,
Kate
