“I have no idea who God is. I have no idea how much He loves me. I have no idea how to just ENJOY Him. I have no idea how to love people well. And I probably have no idea how to love people well because I have no idea how to let God love ME well…”
I wrote this on September 26, 2013. It was the last day of the last time I was in Nicaragua and it was in the same room at the ministry, Vision Nicaragua, I sit in now and type to you again.
Beyond the fact life has taken me back to this place, my mind has been blown all month with the contrast of who I was to who I am.
Last time I was here I was sick. I spent 3 weeks fighting fevers, headaches, and neck pain. The doctor was never able to give me a diagnosis of what I had, but in looking back, I’d have to say I had a bad case of selfish pity and disengagement.
Yes, I became ill with the fevers at the beginning, but when the fever broke, I didn’t. I stayed sick because I didn’t want to get better. The thought of engaging seemed exhausting, so I chose to stay sick. I chose to stay miserable. I chose to stay skeptical and distant from the love being extended to me.
It’s been a long road to recovery. Sickness isn’t always healed in a day, but by the end of my month here last time, I did choose to not stay sick! In making the choice to find healing and life, I’ve been broken, freed, and filled with love that satisfies.
Being back again has been the sweetest kind of redemption. I thought I’d missed my chance to know the people I ignored. I thought my eyes would never be able to take in the beauty I overlooked. I thought I’d missed my chance to sit in the field under the extravagant night sky and praise the God who’s even more so extravagantly loved me.
I’ve found redemption to be a bit like magic. Writing you about my redemption, while I hope it’s encouraging, can’t really capture the magic I’ve experienced here this month. It’s my greatest hope you make the choice yourself to get well or stay well. It’s my hope you’re filled with the kind of health and life that brings the magic of redemption to your every day coffee, every day drive to work, and every day dinner table conversation with your family. Because it’s in these simple every day places with every day people redemption reveals its greatest tricks.
