As I let the memories of training camp unfold into words, there's one word that sticks out above the rest. Intimate. In fact, I don't think there's even a moment of camp that I wouldn't describe as intimate in some way.
Food was shared in groups of 8 people from one big bowl, often times using our hands as serving utensils. Two man tents squeezed in 3 of us, plus luggage. School buses packed in a, strategically arranged, 56 S Squaders for an entire night of restlessness. We shared body heat for warmth on cold nights, we shared countless hugs, shamelessly passing love and odor from person to person, we even shared toothbrushes for fresh breath when luggage was "lost." Stories were shared, tears were shed, laughter was shouted, and memories were made.
While I easily embraced the intimacy of community with my fellow S Squadies, I struggled to find the intimacy I was desiring from The Lord. Maybe that's because I spent the first half of the week stubbornly stomping my feet in impatience for promises yet to be fulfilled by Him. I was searching so hard for the gift that I began to overlook the gift giver. As I restlessly and irritably begged God to give me what I desired from Him, He sweetly and tenderly prepared my heart for the most beautiful embrace. The most intimate embrace.
Up to this point in my relationship with God, I'd really only thought of and experienced Him on one level. The Ephesians 3:20 kind of level. I totally understood how great and mighty and powerful and all able God is, but I was completely missing how incredibly intimate and affectionate He is. On Thursday afternoon, while sitting at Starbucks with Team Tikkun Olam, God showed me this:
Kate, you get the Holy Spirit because it's My omnipotence living inside of you. I've given you a spirit of faith, and you never doubt My ability to do all things, even when "all things" far surpasses your understanding. You get Jesus, because He's your brother. He walked this earth, went through what you went through, and is revealed to you daily in the person to person community you experience all around you. But you're missing ME. God the FATHER. I'm tender. I'm compassionate. I'm intimate. And I love you.
How can you argue with that?? So, in that next moment I prayed a prayer that honestly terrified me: "God, I pray that you are my Daddy and you teach me what it means to be intimate with my Heavenly Father."
A couple of hours later I headed back to camp with my team for the night's group session. We were early so I was off playing frisbee with some others when my girl Kiki walked up to me and said, "I wasn't going to tell you this, but I feel like I'm supposed to. We were driving back to camp, and I saw this vision of you. You were standing there, Jesus was facing you with His hands on your shoulders, and He leaned over and kissed you on the forehead." Talk about insta tears. Intimacy that night only grew from there. One thing after another brought me deeper into understanding and embracing intimacy with my Daddy. The songs we sang, the prayers we prayed, literally the entire night's focus was intimacy with our Heavenly Father.
So I dropped my expectations of promises yet to be met, climbed up into my Daddy's lap, and opened my arms to an intimate embrace.
I tell this story because it's for everyone. Whether you've never met your earthly dad, he dipped out on you when you were young, he abused you your whole life, or he loved you the best he knew how every chance he got; even the best fathers ever given to this earth will never measure up to the perfect and unconditional love of our Heavenly Father. We have to learn to drop the images and expectations of what we think a father is in order to receive the unabandoned, unrestricted, unconditional love of a Heavenly Father that is unlike anything you have ever experienced or thought possible.
"For The Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs." Zephaniah 3:17
One Love,
Kate
