Three weeks ago I jumped in a car with my friend Emily and we began our eleven-hour road trip to Gainesville, GA for training camp. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into, and as we drove into the Adventures in Missions parking lot, unsure of where to go or what to do or who to talk to, we looked at each other and said, “I’m so glad you’re with me.”
Arriving at training camp was one of the many moments of adventure and uncertainty that characterized the next ten days. Training camp was everything I expected it to be, but at the same time nothing like I expected it to be. The boundaries of my comfort zone were completely shattered, then reestablished, then shattered again, so I am choosing now to live boundlessly. But ultimately, I am learning to walk in the strength of my Heavenly Father, which meant I had to unlearn a few things I thought about strength before.
The first day of training camp, we talked about our false selves – you know what I mean, the person we pretend to be so we can gain some sense of affirmation. When we had time to think about what our false selves are, here are some things I wrote down:
- Having it all together
- Not struggling
- Independent – I don’t need other people
- The fixer
If you didn’t notice a trend, you’ll figure it out quickly.
We are all on a pathway to becoming our true selves, which is found in Jesus Christ. Training camp, The World Race, and ultimately, our whole lives are about stepping into who we were created to be so we can step into what we were created to do.
Obviously, this is a process. So over the next ten days we chose to engage deeply in that process, no matter how long or painful it was. So here are a few things I learned about strength.
Kate, you are a strong woman. But that strength comes from the Lord.
These are words that my squad leader Kayla Dawnn spoke over me after the session we had about forgiveness. During this session I couldn’t come up with any significant grievances I needed to forgive, but when I brought that before the Lord, I realized that I avoid walking in forgiveness because forgiving someone means admitting that he or she hurt me, and if they hurt me it means that I am weak.
I hate being weak. Remember my false self? I like to be strong, or at least to put on the appearance of strength. For the rest of training camp this became an area that God repeatedly called out in my life.
When we began talking about processing pain, I was convinced that I had no pain to process; the truth was I don’t let myself feel pain because it reminds me of my weakness. Hilariously, what helped me realize this was the feeling of my sore body after our two mile fitness hike with our 35 pound packs…ask me how I feel about exercise (hint: I don’t like it because being sore reminds me that I’m weak).
But even in this, I heard this whisper from the Lord:
I promise to give you the strength you will need to walk through the pain.
Your need to be “the strong one” is keeping you from experiencing intimacy with Me.
For me, the World Race to this point has been a story of intimacy. God is calling me into deeper intimacy with Himself, and this 11-month journey is all about seeking that. I’m still learning what it looks like to walk in the strength of the Lord, but I know that I’ve only peeled back one layer, and I’ve got a lifetime to live into the true self He has created me to be. That lifetime begins now.
There is WAY more that I learned and experienced at training camp…one blog post really can’t sum it all up. Here’s a video that captures just a small picture of what training camp is like:
