To the World Race I’m leaving behind,
this blog is for you.
To my squadmates also preparing for a goodbye,
this blog is for you.
They say there is a season for everything. But honestly, I don’t want this season to end. Sure, when it ends, I’ll gain back all the things I first said goodbye to, nearly a year ago – my family, my friends, my boyfriend, my time. My possessions, my bed, a space to myself, access to Chipotle and Chick-fil-a.
But when this ends, there is so much I’m going to lose.
I’m not saying I don’t crave the comfort of a real bed after a year of sleeping on the floor; I am excited to be able to take a shower whenever I want to and not be interrupted (or be immediately sweaty again when I finish). I am eager to have the freedom to gorge a burrito and talk with my precious friends. I can’t wait to hold my boyfriend’s hand, to laugh with my family at the dinner table, to watch movies with my sister.
But there are so many things I will miss about my life on the World Race.
These past weeks I’ve been thinking about the precious few days that stand between me and the end of this incredible year of challenge, growth, ministry, and adventures.
And as each 24-hour period goes by, I think more and more about what I am leaving behind when I leave this Race. I’ve begun to record all the special, precious things about the Race, small and big, that I will miss. The list gets longer and longer each day. And grieving their loss might be one of the hardest goodbyes I will have to say.
So, goodbye World Race.
I’m not saying you won’t be part of my life forever; it just will never be the same.
Goodbye to the some of the most faithful men and women of God around the world. Your testimonies showed me how truly nothing is impossible with God, and that when you live a life of trust and faithfulness, God does big things in you and through you. You have made me laugh, cooked me meals, taught me new languages and let me preach to your congregations. You’ve taught me about sides of God I never knew before. Thank you for living lives of beautiful obedience to our Savior.
Goodbye to the unpredictability of every day on the Race. As exhausting as it is to have my schedule change every half hour, you’ve certainly kept me on my toes. You’ve taught me to go with the flow and let things happen. You’ve taught me to value people over efficiency, and to look around me for where God is working in unexpected places. You’ve taught me to laugh at the ridiculousness of life, and not be so darn uptight. You’ve taught me that the best memories can be made when thing don’t go according to plan.
Goodbye to a life disconnected. Being in the middle-of-nowhere Africa has been a great excuse to unplug for a while and focus on what’s going on around me. You’ve helped me be less focused on grooming my social media presence and more concerned with becoming more like Christ. You’ve shown me that sometimes the freest I’ve felt isn’t when I can openly share my opinion online to hundreds of acquaintances but when I can safely share the deepest parts of my heart to a teammate during our late night conversations, knowing that I will be heard and loved.
Goodbye to this D-Squad community. We’ve lived together for 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for nearly a year. We’ve given hard feedback, and received some too. We’ve ridden on smelly buses together for days. We speak the same language: we talk about LDWs and team time and set up sheets and speaking truth and Journey Markers and walking in freedom and processing and C&Cs and adventure days – I could write a dictionary with all of our vocabulary. We’ve created a powerful culture of prayer and worship, we value each other’s growth and we have fostered vulnerability. I don’t know if we will ever have anything like this again, and I hope you all know just what a terribly sad thing it is that we won’t ever get a chance to do this together in the same way again. Say the hard things, friends. Resolve that conflict, unforgiveness, or bitterness – we’ve been through too many days together for there to be anything left at the end.
And then, there’s the goodbyes to all of the random things that are just part of this year:
…trying new foods
…using different currencies and knowing 11 different exchange rates
…sleeping on the floor next to my closest friends (sleepover every night!)
…being a logistics leader
…team movie nights
…that team phone ringtone
…being able to live comfortably on a food budget of $5 a day
…learning words in a new language
…being asked to preach or sing in church with no warning…who is bringing the word today? Do you have a special number prepared?
…two words: STREET. FOOD.
…the sound of African men, women and children singing worship songs
…the many different forms of transportation: tuk-tuks, bike taxis, trikes…
…being able to talk with no filter…the locals don’t speak English, so let’s talk …about our digestive issues in public!
…being able to wear the same clothes three days in a row without being judged
…speaking Spanish with locals (and Spanglish with teammates)
…knowing which possessions and clothes belong to which teammate (because you have so few) – and being able to fit all of yours into a backpack
…late night conversations with teammates
…celebrating when you find something familiar, like Oreos or peanut butter
…hearing different ways of worship all around the world
…always having something to celebrate…our house has a washing machine! The hotel offers free breakfast! My pack is under 50 pounds! You can drink the tap water! The host is preparing the meals next month!
…travel days (YES! I will actually miss these. Long bus rides of talking with squadmates or watching movies, the excitement of a new passport stamp, the anticipation of a new country, the joy of being together as a squad)
…those “only on the Race” moments (like that time I killed a chicken, or that time we packed seven people into a taxi, or that time 35 people rode a bus with 32 seats)
To sum up:
I will miss all the weird foods, the crazy adventures, the hilarious moments, and the deep friendships. I will miss how the World Race gave me daily opportunities to grow in intimacy with Christ, learn about my identity, live in Biblical community and be part of the greater mission to build the Kingdom. And I’ll miss getting to witness in every corner of the world just how big our God is.
