This past week at training camp, I checked my fundraising account to find that I was fully funded. Waves of emotions flooded over me in that moment and I also cried some ugly tears because well… fundraising was over. If you are an alumni racer, current racer or future racer reading this then you probably understand that feeling completely.
Fundraising is scary. It’s intimidating, nerve-wracking and terrifying all at the same time. It’s stressful, overwhelming and gave me anxiety through most if not all of the fundraising process. There were moments where I was confident that I would be able to raise the entire $16,961 and then there were moments where I felt defeated, empty and like I was running on fumes and running out of time. I had a countdown on my phone that constantly reminded me of the next deadline that was quickly approaching and checked my fundraising account far too often to see if the little blue tab at the top of my page had moved even a tiny bit to show that the money was coming in. I started to question if I had misheard the calling I thought God had placed on my life because I firmly believed fundraising would stand in the way of that. I took a lot of wrong turns while I was fundraising and a few right turns here and there, but most of the time all of my efforts left me disappointed and hopeless.
Did you realize what I did there? Read that entire last paragraph again. How many times did I mention MY efforts? How many times did I talk about MY constant worry, doubt and fearful nature? The correct answer there is far too many… BUT how many times did I mention inviting God into the fundraising process? How many times did I lay fundraising at the feet of Jesus and walk away? I didn’t…. and that was my problem.
Over the last 8 months I was so consumed with my prideful nature that I failed to invite God into fundraising because I wanted to do it all on my own. I wanted to be able to handle it on my own. I wanted to prove to myself that finances were not and were never going to be a problem for me. I was so consumed with my confidence in my own abilities that I forgot THE ONE who gave me those abilities in the first place.
When my account sat stagnant at a little short of $7,000 for quite some time, I realized that my pride had gotten in the way of fundraising. I am not going to lie, it was a tough realization. I was over $10,000 away from being funded and my fundraisers were not working anymore, my social media posts were not bringing in any more supporters, responses to letters had stopped coming in and I had exhausted all of my resources. Well, I thought that I had anyway… During 8 months of fundraising, I had never even invited my greatest resource into the journey with me. Don’t get me wrong, I prayed that my t-shirts would sell, I prayed that people would show up for the percentage night and that all the squares on the “adopt-a-day” would be accounted for, but I never asked God to take control. I never challenged him to show up in the ways that I knew only He could. I never took the time to rest safely inside His promises to provide. But in the moment that I did, everything changed for me. I released the grip that I was holding on to so tightly and let the Lord show up and show off.
IN JUST TWO WEEKS, GOD PROVIDED OVER $10,000 THROUGH SOME INCREDIBLY GENEROUS PEOPLE (SOME OF WHICH I HAD NEVER MET BEFORE) AND I AM FULLY FUNDED!!!! TWO WEEKS. THAT’S IT. If that’s not God, then I don’t know what is. I had reached the end of my road. I couldn’t walk any further and the Lord picked me up and carried me to the finish line. That right there is His promise to each and every one of us. He asks us to keep fighting the good fight and pressing on towards the Kingdom and He will pick us up and carry us the rest of the way when we can’t walk any further. What an incredible God we serve.
I don’t know if some of you may be reading this and feeling like you can’t walk any further. You might be facing a mountain that seems impossible to climb and has left you feeling hopeless, confused and alone. Invite God into that hopelessness. Ask him to pick you up and carry you because your own two feet have failed you. There is no shame admitting in front of our Father that we are exhausted, tired and at the end of our own road. That’s where grace finds us. That’s where God’s power will shine the brightest. Reach out your hand and allow Him to lift you back up from whatever pit you are finding yourself in. Let His love wash over you, cover you and give you a new sense of hope and life in the middle of whatever battle you have found yourself in.
“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened” Luke 11:9-10
