As I’m sitting here staring at my feet which are proudly sporting a new pair of Chacos, I can’t help but be overwhelmed with God’s goodness and His provision through what has been a tough and trying 2 months for me.
These last few months have been extremely tough for me when it comes to the World Race, specifically fundraising. My efforts have slowed down to a minimum and the little blue tab at the top of this page has barely moved. For someone who has to raise $16,961, that’s not a good sign and it has been extremely discouraging. I stopped posting on social media about fundraising, my heart lost the desire to ask people for support and I actually started to believe that maybe the World Race wouldn’t work out for me because of my inability to meet fundraising deadlines. Not only was it fundraising deadlines that I had to meet, but I also have about $600+ of gear that I need to buy leading up to training camp in August. That list ranged from the $10 travel locks for my pack to the $300 pack to carry all of my things for 11 months. I was a mess and staring at a list of things with nothing to cross off and losing hope by the day.
On July 10th, I was sitting in church and truth be told, I was completely disconnected from the message. I was in a week-long slump of doubting God and His ability to provide for the World Race. Instead of listening to the message, I began to journal. Sidenote: my journaling usually ends up as my prayers and my way of communicating with God. Here’s what it said:
God, I am a mess. I have no idea what your plan is through all of this but right now it looks like this might not happen. I am overwhelmed and fearful and this is all becoming too much for me. God, at this point I need you to give me some form of reassurance about the World Race. I need you to give my heart peace. I want to say no and jump ship, but you’ve called me and my answer will always be yes to your call. My heart is so torn. I have so much to do, so much to buy and so much money to raise and I am doing everything in my power to trust in your provision, but I am starting to lose hope. I don’t have the money to buy all of my gear and still comfortably pay all of my bills. How can I be thinking about the chacos I want for the race when I still have to find my tent to sleep in? I don’t have the ability to make up for any amount I don’t fundraise to meet my deadlines and I don’t know where to turn to at this point. I know I have to loosen my grip on my “plan” that has yet to work out for me in the past. I know I need to lay the next 13 months at your feet, at the Cross, and walk away in obedience. Heavenly Father, give my anxious heart peace. Give me the wisdom and knowledge to know what you are trying to speak into me. Give me the strength to walk in the light no matter how hard it gets. Give me eyes to see others the way you see them. Give me the love when words fall short. Give me the confidence in my decision to follow you onto the World Race. Heal my hurting heart.
Church ended and as I’m walking out of church and look down at my phone, I have a text from a girl named Ansley that I have known through my aunt for quite some time now. Ansley is an incredibly sweet girl whose family has dealt with a tremendous loss in the last year when they lost their oldest daughter to cancer. However, this family still continues to amaze everyone around them with their servant hearts and their love for others. Ansley is no exception to that. The text read:
“Hey girl! I hope you’re doing good! This may sound really weird and random haha but do you have Chacos for your mission trip?”
When I tell her that I don’t and that I wanted to get some before training camp, she proceeds to offer me a pair that she has that just so happen to be my size. She tells me that the Lord laid me on her heart the day before and that she would mail me the Chacos so that I could start breaking them in. Tears just streamed down my face, lots and lots of tears. So here I am, two weeks later with a pair of Chacos on my feet, a bullet point crossed off on my “to buy” list and a sweet reminder of just how great our God is. He used Ansley within minutes of me desperately crying out to Him in my journal to send me a blessing that she might never know the value of. He provides faithfully and continuously, but for a while I had stopped asking Him to.
One of the biggest lessons I am learning is the power of a specific prayer. As I continue on the fundraising journey, I am going to keep praying for specific amounts each week and I would love for you to join me in prayer and help me even more by donating if you feel led. My prayer for this week is $576 by Saturday- $96/day. That would put me right at $7,200 and that much closer to my next upcoming deadline. I would love for you to consider donating any amount, buy a t shirt if you haven’t already and helping me bring that specific request of $576 to God through prayer. I know that He will provide, but I am humbly asking for your help.
Thank you all for your continued support, love and encouragement through what has been a difficult and humbling journey so far. I could not be where I am without each and every one of you.
