When I finally accepted the call to World Race it was, and still is, a hard calling to swallow… There are certain things that are uncomfortable for me to even think about, let alone face. And there are definitely some dark forces of the experiences my family had to walk through in Haiti that still taunt me daily and tell me I'm not enough.
- I'm not talented enough to raise the $15,500 + Gear
- I'm not compassionate enough to interact with children and youth without projecting the memories and ghosts of my past on them
- I'm not strong enough to survive 11 months of working and living outside in hot climates
- I'm not trusting enough to believe that my teammates won't hate me or betray me
- I'm not assertive enough to address issues quickly enough to return to full effectiveness
- I'm NOT enough to be a World Racer!
I went through with my application process, still not really able to give an answer for how on earth I was going to pull all of the talent, grace, compassion, strength that would be required of me for this year. Secretly, I hoped that they would recognize my inability and turn me down.. I was accepted anyways.. The excuses kept piling up, and I was getting so discouraged before I could even be really excited about the race.
But Praise God, He is so faithful! He knew exactly what I needed to hear, and how to get me to hear it! I was thrown the opportunity, last minute, to join the leadership team of counselors going to camp with my church's youth group. While God used the camp to teach me so many things about myself and himself, there was one message in particular that was EXACTLY what I needed to hear!
Towards the end of camp the speaker, Todd Faulkner (who is totally awesome btw!), spoke on being enough. He started out the message taping pieces of paper to a table on stage. Each piece of paper had an "excuse" that different people throughout scripture had or could have used.
- Moses was not talented enough to speak.
- Gideon was not strong enough to lead.
- Jeremiah was not old enough to be a prophet.
- The adulterous woman was not pure enough to be forgiven.
- Peter was not worthy enough to be forgiven and restored to a place of honor.
Each of these people, many of them Sunday School biblical heroes, were all not enough for the thing that Go called them to. And yet, they each eventually walked in the calling that God had given them?! How is that possible? They weren't enough!!
And the truth is that they absolutely weren't enough. And they never could be. The game changer was that God, in them, was enough. Enough to make them talented, strong, of age, pure, and worthy. Enough to make them able to fulfill the calling God had placed on their lives.
As Todd continued his message, he proceeded to take the same excuses that had been taped to the table, and rip them up, letter by letter, excuse by excuse. …Now, I'm a visual person.. So seeing those excuses, many of them I have claimed for myself, being literally ripped to shreds.. Lets just say it was enough to break me down into tears.
I was right all along. I'm NOT enough! But PTL, God in me IS enough!
