“Be careful what you pray for”… I’ve heard this saying before, but it has never meant so much to me as it has in the past week. And let me tell you what… Be careful what you pray for! God just might answer your prayers, and it may be nothing like what you want it to. Let me give you two examples.
Example 1:
I woke up the other morning, and as with most mornings I had a song running through my head almost immediately. I sat in my bed, wiping the sleep out of my eyes, silently singing in my head Bethel Music’s “You Make Me Brave”. Specifically the line “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters. Wherever you may call me. Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders…..”
Then suddenly, clear as if he was sitting on the bed next to me, the Lord spoke. This was our conversation.
You know that is why you have not seen progress in fund raising like you wish, right?
I’m sorry.. what was that God?
You heard me. That is why you are not fully funded, despite the hard work you and your family have put in over the past 2 years.
I’m sorry God.. It’s a little early for such deep thoughts. Please explain.
**At this point, he showed me a picture of myself, before the Race.. Driving down the highway, one hand on the steering wheel, one hand outstretched. The music cranked as high as my ears can handle.. this song blaring on repeat. And in my mind, this is approximately what I am thinking.. “YEAH.. I’m going on the WORLD RACE! Spirit lead me where my trust is WITHOUT BORDERS…. like, to China and stuff! ….Whoohoo, JESUS!!” (Just an approximation.. but pretty close to what was usually going on my head usually when I drove down the road blaring this song multiple times a day for months)**
You asked me to lead you where your trust was without borders. It wasn’t hard because the borders of your trust were so small. You prayed, begged me to lead you out here, to let you walk on the waters. But the moment you saw how big these waves were (hey now.. $16,000 is a LOT of money!) you freaked out and stopped trusting altogether. YOU prayed for this. So I gave you what you were asking for. Now are you going to trust me, or are we sticking with your small box of borders?
Needless to say, it was a very humbling conversation to have at 6:15am. —- Be careful what you pray for!
Example 2:
Last week, Team Woven was scheduled to visit a Special Needs Orphanage. The night before, I was praying and writing in my journal. In case you don’t know me very well, here is a little about me that will give you important context to this story. I am generally uncomfortable in working with kids, am super hesitant of orphanages, am not confident around adults with severe special needs, and straight terrified of children with special needs. Needless to say, I was in serious need of the Lord’s help to make it through the next day.
So I prayed. I asked God to take away my fear, to soften my heart for the children, to help me see them with his eyes and through his heart.
The next day, we arrived at the orphanage. My initial panic started to well up as I climbed out of the taxi, but I swallowed it back and said another prayer for courage, strength, and an abundance of love. And boy did he answer!
Within a few minutes, I felt all hesitation and fear melt away. And in it’s place was nothing but love.. overwhelming love for these beautiful faces that surrounded me. Their smiles and laughs showed no sign of their illness or disability, no sign of the horrors they have faced, no sign of the heartbreak of being orphaned or abandoned – Their smiles only showed pure, blissful joy. Their laughs were so pure, their excitement to see us and have us interact with them was so genuine.
We stayed on the main floor for a while, playing with some of the older children, learning names, playing with simple toys, tickling, cuddling, and loving. After a while, we were directed up to the second floor where the younger children and the children with the most severe special needs stay. It was in the middle of lunch, so we set out to help feed children their lunch, as well as more laughing, cuddling, and loving.
As we were summoned to leave, we realized we had only been at the orphanage for one brief hour (it took 2 hours and 2 forms of transportation to reach the orphanage from our hostel, and our contacts had other engagements for the afternoon. So our time was cut short.). Yet during that short 60 or so minutes, my heart experienced things it had never felt before in the (almost) 25 years of my life. It was as if God had used those precious kiddos to hold a giant mirror up to my heart..
You asked me before you came on the Race to change your heart. You asked me just last night to give you my eyes and my heart for these children. So I did…
The only problem was.. now we had to leave these children, after only 1 brief hour. Just long enough for us to get attached. And now we may possibly never see these children again (the commute it too far and too expensive for our team to go more than once). My heart aches that I may never see my sweet sleepy Angel in person ever again. I dare say I am heart broken.
Why?! God, you could have given me just enough of your eyes and heart to be able to do ministry well, but not so much that I am left heart broken and confused when I leave. Why would you do that?
Because you asked me to. YOU asked to see those children through my eyes. YOU asked to love them with my heart. Was this not what you wanted?
……..Be careful what you pray for!
Moral of the Story: Have you guessed it? –- As you belt songs, or pray prayers, are you sure you are ready to accept His answer to your prayers? Remember that He often doesn’t answer our prayers in ways that we think He should (and thank goodness for that!). So the question remains, how badly do you want ___________. Are you willing to walk through whatever HIS answer to that prayer is? Is it worth it? (Hint… it usually is. Even if it sucks for a while in the process).
Be Careful What You Pray For!
