Ever since I can remember I have wanted to “just go”. I lived in the same house until I was 18 and the prospect of moving to a new state or a new country always excited me. There were times where my dad was almost transferred to California, Africa, Europe, and some other states for his job and it always made me jittery to leave. Everyone always seemed to be worried about the transition but I was excited, ready to move, planning what my new bedroom would look like, dreaming of our new house, thinking of all the new friends I would be making… Yea, sure I would be leaving behind a lot but the possibility of gaining a new experience and atmosphere greatly outweighed the negative for me.
This past summer I was studying abroad in Germany. This was my second trip to Germany and I have been learning German for about four semesters now. I love everything about Germany. The culture, the language, the food, the people, the places, everything! And I realized what a dream come true it would be for me to someday live there and I still wish that sometimes. But when I came back and told people of my plans they seemed to be upset about me wanting to move or leave. How could I think to leave my friends? My family? What about all the life events I would be missing? The holidays? The birthdays? People were really taken aback by it and didn’t seem to get that my need to constantly keep moving in life isn’t a choice but a necessity.
I Can’t Control My Need to Leave
“And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?’ Then I said, ‘Here I am! Send me.'”-Isaiah 6:8
This desire is often called “wanderlust” in English but that word doesn’t do how I feel justice. Ironically, the only word I have come across to describe how I feel is a German word, “fernweh”, which is the opposite of homesickness, “Heimweh”. It means you feel like you have to leave your surroundings to discover new places. Where wanderlust is just the need to be in nature. “Fernweh” is the need for distance, the wish to experience things far away from home, the urge to escape from your everyday life by traveling. It is where you are sick, depressed, and don’t feel at home until you are traveling.
My need for travel isn’t about leaving people behind or moving on from people but exploring the God’s plan for my life and the desires of my heart. This “fernweh” was something I was born with and cannot be tamed, at least not yet. There’s too much to do and too much to see.
It’s Not About Forgetting
“But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.” -Ruth 1:16
I think the biggest fear my friends and family have is that I’ll move on without them. Or that I will change and not include them in my new life or identity. But the reality is that I may be gone in physical presence but I won’t be gone from them. Just like when I travel I carry all the people I love with me; by having specific memories just for them, or a situation or person that reminds me of them, a cool cultural or linguistic fact that they would love, or a souvenir that I find I know they would want. Just like I carry them with me, my friends and family will carry me with them as they continue in whatever direction their life leads. Even if Ruth had physically left Naomi, she would never really leave her because of the love she had for her. Because of the love I have for my friends and family I will never truly leave you. We are still connected and still apart of each other’s lives, just not in an immediate physical way but connected in mind, memories, and through our love of Christ.
Its Not Forever
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us” -Hebrews 12:1
The thing about travel or moving is, is that you are always going places. I’ll go on the race, after that, I’ll go home, and then I’ll (hopefully) go to Graduate School. And then, there are places in between, which may include my original home, visiting friends on holidays or days off, or even people coming to visit me on my travels. Just because I leave doesn’t mean I will never come back. The people in my life, friends and family, are the reason traveling is so easy. Because I know I have people who love me, ground me, and support me. Your love and caring for me is what feeds my desires and helps me to go forth and explore. Everyone in my life who has loved me along the way is one of the things that lead me to the race. Also, those who have been counselors and leaders for Christ in my life gave me the courage and guidance to listen to God’s call. Because, just like you all know I would be there for you, I know you all will always be there for me no matter which way my inner compass takes me. Although, eleven months seems like a very long time, I will be coming home afterwards. And on the trip I will have access to things like Facebook and other internet sources while on the race.
It’s Not About Me or You, It’s About Something Bigger Than Both
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” -Galatians 2:20
When I went on my mission trip to Honduras with my college ministry back home, the one thing my pastor kept reminding us that “You are Jesus for these kids”. My team and I, on the race, might as well be the people we encounter’s first image and view of who Jesus is and what Christianity is all about. This journey, when we get down to it, isn’t about my love for travel, even though by God instilling that in me it lead me to the race. This is about the people all over the world who have never heard the name or story of Jesus Christ. This is about kids and orphans who may have never experienced pure and true love. Through the World Race I get to show people the love of God, I get to tell them the stories that have influenced and changed my life and the lives of so many others. We all get to be apart of this wonderful journey. Even though I will be living it out and will be an ambassador for Christ you all get to follow along on my blog, support in whatever way you feel called to, and follow along with God in prayer with me everyday.
Because It’s a Call, Not a Suggestion
“To him the doorkeeper opens, and the sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out”- John 10:3
Most importantly, this isn’t something that I juste decided to do someday to get away from it all. This was an unquestionable call to action from Christ. Even if I would have said no and gone straight to Graduate School I would’ve eventually found myself on this path because God’s will is greater than mine and will always win out. This is a path that was designed for me before I even knew it to be a possibility or an option in my life. God calls us each to something unique and beautiful to grow His kingdom and spread the Gospel, this is just the way I was called.
That trip to Germany is when God showed me that The World Race was rooted in my future. That it was His design for me to go and do His work for a year, changing the lives of others through His word and His power, while changing mine along the way. So the root of my “fernweh” isn’t to get away from people, places, or things in my life but rather to explore what the world, and God, has to offer. While some may be perfectly content with staying where they are, I am not. I admire those who are content in their cities or lives, but I know, in my heart, that by exploring other countries, learning other cultures, and meeting diverse people is what makes my heart truly content and feel at home.
