Full disclosure coming up!! If you don’t wish to know the depths of my heart and mind and prayers turn back now….
So… have you ever felt like God is testing you? I feel like I am walking through a huge test right now. Before we get to the details of my test lets look at some scriptures that talk about how, when, and why God tests us.
Yes God really does test us. Good news is you are in good company! God also tested Abraham…
After these things God tested Abraham and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here am I.” He said, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.” So Abraham rose early in the morning, saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him, and his son Isaac. And he cut the wood for the burnt offering and arose and went to the place of which God had told him. – Genesis 22:1-3
God gave this test to Abraham to see if he could be trusted with even bigger and better things later. I don’t know about you but if I knew what the bigger and better things were I would go threw just about anything. But life doesn’t work that way. We have to trust God and trust that everything that happens is for a reason. Every trial he puts us threw and every test he makes us pass is all for a reason and to lead us to that bigger and better that he has waiting.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. -James 1:2-4
God tests us to help us! This is such good news. This verse in James is the one that has been getting me threw my personal test.
Now for the juicy/deep part….
My personal test started back when I first learned about the World Race. God asked me if I was willing to abandon my personal life to go serve. This was a tough decision that I prayed and agonized over. I decided that God was calling me to serve and I needed to go. While it was hard to make this decision I will be honest that I was NOT happy at this point in my life. I was feeling very lost in my life. I was not at a job I was happy in (and hadn’t been since graduating college). I did not have my priorities straight and was not happy with the way I was handling my personal relationships. So getting away for a year and clearing my head, while in a deep dive into God, sounded like a great plan.
In the past year, since deciding to join the race, my life has changed in many ways (or maybe just my outlook has). I began to realize how comfortable my job really is. I get paid a consistent amount, I get great benefits, I have a retirement plan, and I really do love working with children. I learned how many people I really do have in my corner. So many people how showed up and showed out with supporting me (both verbally and financially). This has meant the world to me and opened my eyes to people who are there for me. I have truly put God first when making decisions for the first time in my life. I have begun a relationship that makes me happier than I every thought possible!! I am with someone who makes me realize the way I should have always been treated. Anyone who knows me knows that the two biggest things I have ever wanted was to be a great wife and a great mom. All of a sudden God is dangling this life in my face. I am just truly very happy with who I have become in the lord and the relationship I am currently in.
WOW! All this and all I can think is that this is God testing me. I feel him whispering in my ear “So your willing to go when your unhappy, what about when you are extremely happy?” He is asking me if I am willing to really sacrifice for him. Am I willing to leave behind things that I may never get back in order to serve in the way I am called to?
One of my good friends said it well when I was confessing my burdens to him, he told me that maybe this person who makes me so happy coming into my life is a gift in advance for my commitment to serving God! I don’t know if that is how it works, but what I do know is that my commitment to serving God has not changed and I am so grateful for my gift!!
Dear God,
Thank you so much for this test! I know it is going to be hard leaving this gift but I also know that you remain number one. I hope that I can prove to you that I willing to go to the ends of the earth to serve your will. God I am so grateful for the gift you have given me in this relationship. It definitely did not happen in my time, but I know that your timing is always better than mine. So thank you, thank you, thank you! And I pray that I pass every test you ever give me with flying colors!
Love your daughter and servant.
