2019, you were so good. A year that I am so grateful for.
I learned so much more about who God is as a Father. I learned that He is so much more loving, and gentle than I ever thought. That He genuinely desires a relationship with me, and He wants to get to know me as a daughter. How cool and how beautiful.
I learned that my anxiety doesn’t have to rule me, how I don’t have to allow Satan to hold these chains over me anymore. That I am allowed to walk in this freedom that Christ automatically gives us. For so long, I believed the lie that I will be forever bound to those chains. Looking back to where I use to be a year ago with my anxiety, having to go to therapy for it and walk around with these notecards with scriptures I would call my “anxious cards” that I would have to pull out and recite to myself, all the time. What a ride it’s been, and I am no where where I should be when it comes to fully and completely walking in that freedom with boldness, but I am so much further than I was a year ago, and I am finally walking in a place where I can see the light that is so reachable.
The Lord has grown me so much in seeing myself the way He sees me. Once again, no where close to the finish line, it’s just this jog that’s He’s on with me but at-least we’re moving. If you knew old me, it’d be a miracle to not hear me constantly speaking negative about myself. It’s crazy how when your relationship with the Father actually begins developing, how much more you see yourself as worthy and beautiful. (Disclaimer, feeling worthy is still probably one of the hardest ones for me to believe, but it’s starting to change. Declaring now that 2020 is the year I fully embrace who I am in the Lord’s eyes.)
I’ve grown a lot in boldness and confidence. Probably every day last year, I would pray for the Lord to transform me into this bold and confident woman of God. With the World Race approaching, I was so scared I wasn’t going to be enough of those things, (and disclaimer, that is still a worry of mine, but oh how untrue that it is!). I have learned that boldness and confidence looks so totally different for every person, and I just have to *embrace* that. I’ve seen myself grow so much in this area, whether it be in my prayer life, in not allowing anxiety to rule me in areas it use to, in the I more confidently socialize with others, or even in the way I can have boldly dance like a fool in front of a ton of people, because I know what I am dancing for and I am confident in that.
I’ve learned a ton *and will continue learning* about community. Community is such a wonderful thing, and I’ve learned how valuable it is since being on the Race. I didn’t have a huge community back home, especially a big Christian community. I didn’t really know what it was like to have people that want to pour into you, that challenge you in the best ways possible, that just want to talk about Jesus with you, friends who serve with me, who call me to look like Jesus. Had no idea. And how thankful am I that I finally have that and finally know what that looks like. Community living has also brought me so many new perspectives. I’ve learned how I should treat people *even when I don’t always choose to because I am a selfish human who’s only trying*. I’ve learned how to serve these people around me with a willing heart. I’ve learned a lot about patience. A LOT. I’ve learned what it feels like to love with your entire heart, because dang. I love these people, even if they can be a pain sometimes. (Sorry.)
BASICALLY, I have learned so much this year and grown so much. It’s all the Lord and I am so grateful for it all. Jesus is good.
Some other beautiful and just *fun* things that have taken place this year that I wanted to include—
I got to see Rainbow Kitten Surprise and Mount Joy live this year!!!!!!
I went to Florida in February to this really cool Christian conference, met Madi, AND even got to go to Disney World for the first time!!
I’ve second shot a lot of weddings, but this was the year I photographed my very first wedding by myself!!
My dad got married to his now wife, and the Lord blessed me with 3 new siblings and step mom!
I saw Hillsong live, eek!!
I GRADUATED. Booyah.
I shot another wedding reception by myself in Oklahoma, which I thought was pretty cool.
I dyed my hair BLUE……and it was awesome and I loved it.
Training camp, a hard 10 days. Man oh man.
I went to NYC for the first time!!!! And a big deal is my dad even came. *huge shock*
I met Hannah and Katlin for the very first time in West Virginia. Life long friends.
AND…
I left for the World Race, and here we are now. I can say I have been to South Africa and Ecuador, and I can say how awesome our Father is for giving me this opportunity to be His hands and feet (even if sometimes it’s really hard, and even if some days I have to choose this servant-ship with everything in me)!
Thank You, Jesus.
Now, 2020. Here are some things I am declaring will happen this year!
This year, I want to see myself walk in absolute freedom from my anxiety. Not only half way, but all the way. I no longer want to deal with these limitations from it.
I want to see my prayer life continue to blossom, and I want to see myself become bold and courageous when it comes to intercession.
I want to fall in love with our Father, and fall in love with worshipping Him. I want to praise Him every chance I can, and fully soak in every minute of worshipping Him. I want to be all there when I am, and be able to fall on my knees and raise my hands because of how in awe I am of Him.
I want the Father to completely capture my heart, and me just be completely in love with Him.
I want to passionately carry a joy that only comes from the Lord, and it’s evident to every person I encounter.
I want to learn what surrendering to Him looks like, and coming to Him with an open heart for what He wants to do.
I want this to be the year I finally hear the Lord’s voice and clearly know that it’s Him speaking, and not have to have a one way conversation anymore. (This relates to surrendering and whatever that looks like, in order to hear the Father’s voice!)
I want to love myself. And see myself the way He sees me. I want to no longer constantly question my worth and question my identity. I want to become firm in who I am because of who’s I am.
I want to be a person who looks, talks, and walks like Jesus. Someone who actually lives this out, not someone who dreams about living it out.
Declaring that this is what this new year will look like for me. A year of transformation, of growth, of seeing the Lord’s favor and faithfulness. I am excited, you should be, too!
2020, bring it on.
