As I sit here pondering over the events that have happened this month, my mind runs wild. Wild over the fact that we are ending our time here in Rwanda. Wild over the fact that I had the privilege of also venturing to Kenya, and wild about the people I have met over the past few weeks. From children’s programs, to retreats with university students, house visits, prayer walks, and fundraising for school supplies, God has been in the midst of it all.
But it hasn’t been the easiest month.
You see, after 10 months of travel, the wear and tear starts to really take effect. Exhaustion hits to wear you fall asleep in the sun and wake up crispy and red. You find yourself not wanting to engage as often because the couple hours of ministry you did that morning with the children completely wiped you out. The same old food at every meal starts to become less and less appetizing, your sleeping situation becomes more and more uncomfortable, and you start to crave comforts of home. And you begin to crave them like crazy.
Thought patterns start to slip in and you can begin to question things and long to be in another place. Which is a struggle because you know there is nowhere else you’d rather be.
The other morning I woke up questioning my kindness. Wondering if I was being an intentional friend and truly loving those around me. I had this conversation with the Lord before beginning our walk to the church for prayer, worship, and preaching.
As we entered into the church, my mind was still racing but I felt content with where I was. I love going to our host’s church for its liveliness and vitality in the way they worship the Father with song, dancing, and the beautiful sounds of the drum leading its way into the rhythms of the heart. As I was about to sit down, I was escorted out by a man telling me that there was someone in the church waiting to see me. Perplexed, I followed him and was greeted by the woman that translated for me a week prior during the Sunday church service. Before I left for Kenya, my host told me that a lady wanted to make me a dress for preaching on the first Friday I was there. But on this day, I wasn’t expecting to be loved in the ways that she was about to show me.
She sat me down and told me that she loved me and began to adorn me with shoes, a necklace, and earrings. Then she pulled out a dress and told me that the reason she was doing these things was because of my kindness. MY KINDNESS. The very thing I had just questioned that very morning. Literally an hour before stepping foot through those doors. I couldn’t respond in any other way but through tears.
This woman, the beautiful and wonderful Maggie, had no idea that that was where my mind had gone. She had no idea of the thoughts that brooded and stirred within me. But Jesus did. He knew the moment that thought popped in my head that he was going to affirm and reveal to me the answer to that question. And he knew it was going to be answered in a matter of minutes. You see, in this life we can question a lot of things about ourselves, we can look at others and compare and want more and more and more, and crave those comforts, or we can choose to see ourselves the way He sees us. As the masterpiece He created. The one he formed beautifully and marvelously. His beloved.
Loving who I am and where I am adds a lot more color to my life. Yes, comforts are great but it often leaves me feeling a little bit on the grey scale. Not fully living. Sometimes we just need God to send us a Maggie to remind us that our thoughts don’t define us. Those little whispers telling us that something within us is wrong don’t make us who we are. But the God of all compassion, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and strength does.
Yes, this month was challenging but the end could be compared to the taste of dark chocolate: rich, sweet, and savory. Choosing to relish in the moments of stillness and finding that my rest isn’t found in just the physical, but the mental, emotional, and spiritual. My physical exhaustion meter may be slowing reaching ‘E’ but my soul is at rest and peace with my Father. He leads me beside waters of rest and restores my soul.
Thank you for redeeming my thoughts, bringing sweet and inspirational friends into my life, and leading me yet again to a place that reveals your majesty.
