So I am sitting at “The Corsair Coffee Shop” sipping my Cinnamon Mocca Latte just trying to watch a sermon from home. The Wi-Fi is moving at snail pace, making every other word freeze as it loads. I am fighting feelings of homesickness and fighting the flu (there was a huge breakout of the flu in Belize that I think I may have caught). Last night I did not sleep at all due to my lack of being able to breathe and the constant squeaking of the sleeping bags next to me. I miss the comforts of my home and just being able to make a cup of honey lemon tea without having to run to the market to get honey, lemon, and filtering my own water. I am just recovering from a parasite, urinary infection, severe dehydration, and a fever which I finally got over a little less than a week ago. This month our entire squad is together, which means 37 people in one house, three bedrooms, three bathrooms, and one kitchen. We do not have Wi-Fi at our house and it is limited to only the weekends, if you can even find a place where no one else is. I have already heard gun shots go off from where we are, more than atleast once. Whenever we leave the house it has to be in groups of three, so whenever you want to “get away” to clear your head, you will always be accompanied by two other people. I do not speak hardly any Spanish so I cannot properly communicate with anyone here, unless it is filtered through other people that can translate for me. Last week I dropped my phone in the ocean (it’s still at the bottom somewhere, I have no clue where) then later proceeded to lose my new necklace that same day. The next morning, waking up to watch the sunrise, the wind caught my bible and my notes flew out of it… again to be swallowed by the ocean. A couple days later, two of my seven pairs of underwear were left at a hostel we were at along with one of my sports bras… limiting my already limited wardrobe. My hard drive that was supposed to hold all my memories from the trip somehow got erased, which means all of my pictures and videos from Belize are no longer. Not to mention, my computer freaks out on me and randomly goes black every other use. I feel like God is much farther than an arm’s reach away and can’t seem to hear His voice clearly.
However, as I am sitting here wallowing in everything that is or has gone wrong I have failed to recognize everything that has gone RIGHT. I made it safely to Honduras, even after crossing two borders to get here from Belize. GUYS! I am in the murder capital of the world… and I am safe! That right there should be enough of a blessing. I get the opportunity to be surrounded with 36 other people that want to see me grow and look like Christ. I have a roof over my head and I don’t have to worry about where my next meal comes from. I have clothes to wear everyday, even if they are dirty, I still have something to cover myself with. I have the ability to pay for a trip to the hospital to take care of my illnesses. I am blessed with Wi-Fi once, sometimes even twice, a week! I know there will be some months I won’t have any at all. I get the opportunity to grow in speaking another language and I get to get creative of how to communicate without speaking. I get the opportunity to travel from country to country spreading the good news of the gospel. The same day I lost my phone, one of my squad mates had brought two, so she graciously has let me use her extra. That same day another one of my squad mates blessed me with a watch (a new piece of jewelry that I actually needed to stay on time). God has since then, given me new revelations even deeper than the notes that I lost watching the sunrise. Yesterday I had the opportunity to go to a mall and get a new hard drive and a few clothes (because every now and then you gotta treat yourself!). I am still alive. I am still breathing. I am still loved unconditionally. I have the ability to walk, speak, and see. I am not living in a state of poverty. I am not limited physically or mentally and life isn’t always a constant battle. I have hope. I have people that are praying for me. Lastly, I am still blessed beyond what I can even comprehend.
I want to challenge anyone who reads this today to change your perspective on life… today, tomorrow, and every other day after. Because yes, in life we will have struggles, we will have difficulties, and things will not always go the way we would like. But why are we surprised? Jesus even told us in the Bible that we would suffer trials and sufferings of many kinds. Being a Christian does not automatically mean that life is always going to be peachy, but it does mean that we always have someone to walk with us despite our current circumstances.
So, in the midst of sitting in my space of discontent, looking at all the things that aren’t going my way, God challenged me to stop, sit, and just breathe. Rather than grumbling and complaining, He challenged me to take every thought captive and enter His presence with gratitude and thanksgiving. There are a lot of things in life that no matter how hard I try, I just cannot control. However, we have the ability to create our own reality, whether we chose to see the glass half empty or half full. So, what do you chose today? Are you going to choose to focus on everything that isn’t going your way, or are you going to choose to appreciate everything that is going right today? It is so easy to get caught up in ourselves that so many times we fail to miss the bigger picture. Maybe you aren’t hearing from God because He is building your faith in the desert and preparing your heart for something big thats coming (besides, He is always speaking to us, just maybe not how you WANT it, but how you NEED it). Maybe moths ate little holes in your favorite clothing because He is reminding you that your true riches are stored up in heaven, that all your earthly possessions will fade. I cannot say with 100% confidence why things happen in life the way they do, but I want to encourage you to stop, sit, and breathe. Ask God what He is wanting to teach you in those little moments of discontent and what weeds need to be pulled out so that you can blossom into all that God has for you.
