As I have been praying about this next part of my life, some of the fears that I have have been real wrestling matches with the Lord. I know these are just insecurities and fears that are not from God, but they still are legitimate “talk-myslef-off-the-ledge” conversations I have with myself and the Holy Spirit.
My biggest concern is what if I miss out on something big? My sibling’s wedding? A death? A birth? What if (even though I’ve never dated in 29 years) I meet someone, fall in love and then have to leave for a year?
I thought of every what if scenario possible. All of them almost gave me a minor panic attack. Why am I holding back on something that is so clearly the Lord’s call on my life for something that may never happen…and beyond that, allowing Satan to let this fear crowd the Holy Spirit’s work in my heart for the preparation stage of this journey.
Then I thought of the disciples and read Matthew 4:
“And Jesus, walking by the Sea of Galilee, saw two brothers, Simon called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. Then He said to them, ‘Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.’ They immediately left their nets and followed Him.
Going on from there, He saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets. He called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father, and followed Him.”
These men left everything behind: their profession and livelihood, their families, their comfort, their alone time, their hobbies; all to follow the Messiah because He called them by name to learn from Him and know Him intimately. I have never really been asked to give up anything for Christ. I have made some sacrifices, but they are nothing compared to what others give up. For the first time in my life, I’m choosing to give up what I know and love to know God deeper and make Him famous. This is where the rubber meets the road.
It’s so cool in Luke 1:50 after Jesus calls Philip and Nathanael to follow Him and He says “You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You will see greater things than that.” I’ve seen some amazing things from the Lord but I know it’s nothing compared to what I’m about to see.
