Welcome to my Rant & Rave section!
I am completely grateful for the opportunity that God has given me to come to nine different countries so far this year, and has given me an audience with so many incredible people. I am incredibly grateful for the people that God has placed in my life, for the sponsors, supporters, family and friends who have come alongside us and provided us with a way to come on the World Race, to not have to worry about finances and such. To this day I still find it hard to believe that God provided for us in such amazing ways.
One of the questions that comes up so often on the Race, from squadmates and contacts alike, is, “How did you come to be on the Race?” I wish I had some incredible story of how God gave me a clear passion and desire to help impoverished nations, to love on orphans and widows, to bring hope to an otherwise hopeless generation. I wish I could say that my heart was broken for the people, God’s people, who have never heard of the wonderful, saving message of Christ crucified and creation being restored to a loving, holy God. I wish I could say that I had a vision of what God desired for me, for my life, for my marriage, for my future. I wish I could say all of this, but it could not be farther from the truth.
So, why am I here? Why did I agree to raise $31,000, for my wife and I to go on missions? Why did I leave everything behind, a comfortable life, a good job, a beautiful home? Why did I sell basically everything I owned? Why did I do this? Quite simple, because God told me to. That’s it. God said, “Go”. There’s nothing else to it. There was no magical experience. God didn’t send His angels to reveal some grand, majestic plan. He simply told me to follow Him.
These past ten months have really been some of the most challenging months of my life. I’ve had to jump into a community that I barely knew and immediately begin to live life with them as if they’ve been my family for years. (Twice if you count the team changes, which I do.) I’ve had to lay some of my ideologies and beliefs aside for the sake of community, for the ministries we’ve been a part of, and for the people I came into contact with. I’ve had to continuously lay my desires aside and put others before myself. I’ve had to submit myself to authorities that I had been placed under, and found myself not always agreeing with those authorities. Honestly, all of these things have been good for me, although I try to fight that reality all the time.
Another question that comes up quite frequently now that we’re coming to the finish line is, “How have you changed and grown this past year, and what was God’s purpose for you here?” To this I say, “I have no earthly idea!” I don’t know that I’ve really changed, for better or worse. I don’t know that God’s purpose for me on the Race has been. Honestly, I’m kind of afraid that I will never know. I may never know why God called me on the World Race. I may never know if I’ve changed or grown. God could very well choose NOT to reveal His purpose for me. It could just be simply because He was calling me to be obedient to Him, and that’s it.
As far as whether or not I’ve changed, I can’t say right now that I can clearly see the answer. I was talking to some friends of ours in South Africa the other day, and they pointed out something I hadn’t thought about before: they said that I will probably not realize how much I’ve changed until I get home and am hit square in the face with how much the world doesn’t understand. The world doesn’t realize the things I’ve experienced. Some of my friends and family may not understand this concept of FEEDBACK! This extremely close community that I honestly can’t wait to get out of (not because I don’t love my team, but because I really just don’t want to have to be on a buddy-system all the time) may be the biggest thing I desire most when it’s all over. I will probably not realize how much I’ve changed until I am fully immersed in “reality” once more and have the epiphany that I had just left TRUE reality.
So, why did I come on the Race? Because God called me. Has it been worth it? Sure. Would I do it again? I’ve got one more month; ask me then.
