I've been home now for one month! It's hard to believe – time at home goes as fast as it did on the Race!
My World Race journey was filled with many highs and lows. And to some regards, the last month has been as well. Transitioning home has been a transition, to say the least.
During the Race, at the end of each month, I wrote down areas in which I grew, lessons learned, how I struggled, etc.
Here's a brief look at what the Lord taught me and did in me during the last 11 months!
((I'm extremely sorry in advance – this is a LONG post and I didn't proof read for typos!!))
Month 1: Dominican Republic
God began speaking to me about my authority in prayer – I learned a lot about my authority in Christ during YWAM – it's something that I'm truly passionate about and love teaching others. I want everyone to stand firm in their true identity as sons and daughters of the Most High and proclaim things using their authority in Jesus' name! The enemy has no right to steal, kill and destroy!
God also began teaching me more about the importance of community and the vulnerability required in community. Freedom, healing and growth are some of the results I can expect when I'm open and honest with others. In our first few weeks on the Race, I witnessed and personally experienced this play out within my team and squad.
I also learned how to rely on the Holy Spirit while speaking. A huge part of our ministry this month was visiting all the schools in the city and sharing about the importance of the Bible in our lives and other fun facts. Each time I spoke in front of a class-full of elementary or high school students the Holy Spirit empowered me to speak with boldness and confidence!
Month 2: Haiti
A large part of our ministry this month was focused internally, within individual teams and within our house. Each night we would meet as a house (19 women in all) and pray over a specific girl – we would ask the Lord for pictures, visions, words, and/or verses to bless and encourage.
God became growing my confidence regarding the way he speaks to me. He typically speaks to me through the word, bringing specific verses or references to mind. I love that this is how the Lord speaks to me, but I often found myself comparing my relationship with God against others' relationships. I don't get elaborate pictures or visions, or extremely detailed words when praying, but that's also not the way I'm wired. I learned how to compare myself or my giftings with others because we are all unique and special, and made with different talents, abilities, and purposes. In addition to this, I began finding freedom in being myself and learned that I have the ability to hold others accountable.
As a team, we began challenging each other to grow through honest feedback. Part of our culture involves meeting daily, as a team, for "feedback". Feedback is calling each other up into the person God made us to be rather than calling each other out. For example, you might tell your team mate, "You are a woman of honesty and love, but I haven't seen you acting in line with those characteristics. I challenge you to speak you mind, even when it's hard and to put others needs before your own." Even by the end of month 11, this was extremely hard to do, but the benefits are worth the cost. As a team, we began regularly exercising high preference, where we would sacrifice our personal needs and desires for those of others. We served our team mates and squad mates selflessly.
Something the World Race taught us was to not have any expectations. This came relatively easy for our team and it was this month that we, as a team, would accept our circumstances without complaining – we would choose to look at the positive rather than focusing on the negative. It's amazing how that can shift things!
Month 3: Thailand
During our month in Thailand, I allowed God to tear down walls within me, which allowed me to open up to the team and share my heart. Once I allowed God to work in me, he began working through me too. I found my voice and sought opportunities to speak life and encouragement into my team mates. Also, my allowing the Lord to minister to me, I was able to walk in further freedom – freedom to be myself regardless of others' opinions of me!
A huge lesson for me this month was about LOVE. Going into the month, I desired to quantify the results of my ministry. I desired results because I wanted to see that what I was doing was effective and making a difference in the world. But I learned that I can only make a difference through love! Here's a brief excerpt from a blog I wrote:
Love is our ultimate goal as Christians – or at least it should be!! Love is what separates sold-out believes of Christ, who are in a personal, love relationship with the Father from "Christians" or other followers of various world religions.
"Let us not love in words or speeches, but in actions and in truth!!" 1 John 3:18
"Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But LOVE will last forever!" 1 Corinthians 13:8
Ultimately it doesn't matter if I speak in tongues or receive words of knowledge, what matters is how I love. People will forget the things I do or the words I speak but they will forever remember the love I gave.
God further drilled this lesson into me through the message at church this morning. The message began with a question: Is it possible to love others the way Jesus loves? After reading various verses, it was concluded that man alone cannot love (or do other things), but a man with the Holy Spirit through the Father can!
Ultimately, love is what I want this year (and my life) to revolve around.
I don't care about quantifying the difference I'm making while on the race. I want to love. The difference I'll make is through love.
"If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:3
At the end of this month, we went through our first round of team changes. During the previous few weeks, God had been teaching each of my new team members about love. After discussing possible team names, we settled on "Just Love". We were all realizing that we simply needed more LOVE in the world – and the only thing worth focusing on is LOVE. Rather than over-complicating things, we wanted to JUST LOVE others 🙂
Month 4: Malaysia
Malaysia was one of my hardest months. I'm not sure if that was simply because it was December and I was home sick or because it was our first month as a new team and we had to figure out how to function together. Maybe, it was a combination of the two, plus a handful of other random reasons!
During debrief at the beginning of the month, one of our coaches, Jay, shared a message with us about plows – defaults, tendencies – things we may have to burn to prevent us from going back to them. I realized that one of my tendencies is not following through with commitments when things get hard and being critical. I eventually had to face this plow on a large scale when things got hard, homesickness intensified, etc. – I wanted to go home where it was safe and easy. But I knew I would forever regret this. So I pushed through and was forced to deal with issues head on. For instance, I had to accept that the hard feedback my team gave me was true – I knew it was true when they gave it, but sometimes it takes a day or two to accept it, deal with it, and move on! I had to accept the fact that my team loves me enough to say the hard things. I have to accept the fact that my team mates are different – they WILL actually be there for me when I need them. I had to accept the fact that God sometimes teach me the same lesson multiple times – I can't check lessons off a list – I have to continually walk them out! I also had to accept the fact that I have to invest in friendships – the effort I put in is what I'm going to get out of them.
God also taught me that he can use me even when I'm dealing with so much and learning simple lessons. He can use me in magnificent ways – ways that seem bigger and more significant after the fact – and it all boils down to obedience.
Month 5: Cambodia
It's cool when you get to the end of the month (or even to the end of the Race) and you see themes. Cambodia is a month where God certainly wrapped the theme of PRAYER into each and every moment. Because of the theme, so many things changed! Intimacy increased – with God and others, vulnerability deepened, we stepped into loving others through prayer, and wrote "13 impossible prayer for 2013 (prayers that can only be answered through supernatural moves from God!). This was a month where we transitions from team mates to sisters.
Month 6: Tanzania
The central lesson from this month had to do with my personal faith and belief in God's ability to heal ME. I've witnessed supernatural healings countless times before; however, I still doubted God's ability to heal me when I needed his healing touch. After getting sick, visiting the local clinic, and eventually going to the hospital, I was left with excruciating pain in my foot after a failed attempt at an IV. My team prayed for healing over me – I allowed them to pray, but in my heart I doubted God ability – 90% of the pain disappeared after they prayed but I was too stubborn to admit it! Several day later, we met some American missionaries and I asked them to pray for me – the remaining pain left immediately! God healed my foot and my faith in that moment! I believe that what he can do for others, he can and will do for me, as well!
Month 7: Malawi
This month was one of our most primitive months – we slept in our tents, got ALL of our water from the well (a half mile walk away, through the sand! Once the jugs were full, they weighed 45 pounds and the return trip home was UPHILL!) However, I discovered that I love finding God and experiencing him through nature – I've always loved clouds, sunrises, and sunsets – BUT in Malawi, God shows off! The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the entire Milky Way is visible at night, and the people are so joyful! How you could live here without experiencing God is beyond me! Our setup this month was not conducive, however, for team times/feedback.
Something I often struggle with is allowing other people's attitudes and decisions to negatively affect me. This month, I was faced with this struggle on several occasions. I felt God telling me that I can no longer allow other people and their decisions affect me and my attitude. I must love at all times and I must look to Him for joy, peace, and satisfaction.
This month I learned the importance of demonstration high honor, high preference, and living with high levels of personal integrity in everyday life – whether it's a ministry day or off day. As Christians, there are no days off – there are always people looking to us to see what we'll say or do, how we'll react, if we'll do what we say we don't do, or don't do what we say we do. Unfortunately, this month not everyone acted with this set of values, which left a negative perception of our contacts with the community. We represented our contact everywhere we went in the community, and sometimes we did a poor job with that responsibility.
God highlighted my ability to listen this month. He has given me the ability to listen to others so I can then give them wise counsel through the wisdom he has also given me.
Month 8: Swaziland
One of my biggest struggles was comparing how hard I worked with others. There were times when I worked extremely hard while others did next to nothing. God spoke to me about this and said that only his opinion matters. I have to do what he tells me to do while the same holds true for others. Sometimes that may result in me working harder and longer than others. Little by little, my performance-based mindset began breaking.
There is power in our presence! I saw the power of our presence this month. I met many children who were starved for love, affection, and attention. All I had to do was sit with them, love them, and that was enough! It seems too easy! They didn't need me to entertain them and they certainly didn't require the latest gadget. They simply wanted my time, love, and devotion. I believe it made a huge impact in their lives.
Month 9: Romania
This month I realized how much this journey is not only affecting me, but also my family. This journey is reaching back into my family more than I could have ever imagined. The Parent Vision Trip certainly played a role in these changes. Having my parents on the Race, even though it was only for a few days, granted them a glimpse into my new world – a world filled with love, honest feedback, accountability, encouragement, and freedom.
The workload was the hardest part about this month – we each had extremely different ministry schedules and we were on the go the entire month. This hectic schedule made it difficult to plan and execute good team times.
Month 10: Moldova
I didn't realize how important decent sleep is until I wasn't getting any! For several weeks I wasn't able to get adequate sleep and, man, did it affect me! I ended up taking two Dramamine one night because I needed sleep so badly! I ended up sleeping for roughly 16 hours!
This month I was confronted with another tendency of mine – I often want people to notice when something is wrong and ask about it. It can often take a while for people to notice, but when they finally do, I don't want to talk about it. I'm realizing the importance of telling others when something is wrong or bothering me. Nothing will change unless I address it – the sooner I open up and share my feelings, the sooner things will get better.
This month the team began working like a machine! We each took on difference roles based on the talents and abilities God gave us. We're not all meant to do the same things – we're different, plain and simple – we can work at a high level when we recognize we're a body and are all called to perform different tasks. If someone likes to cook, let them cook. If someone likes going to the well, let them haul the water! This is exactly what began happening this month. We were able to do the things we liked/enjoyed while serving the team.
Month 11: Northern Ireland
This month I discovered my need to deal with issues directly. Many times, I made rude or sly comments insinuating my dislike verses clearly expressing my feelings. This is not a form of love – it's certainly okay to disagree and have a different opinion, but it's not okay to be rude and handle the situation in this fashion.
Throughout the Race, I've struggled with taking myself too seriously. I have yet to learn how to truly laugh at myself and let go of my desire at perfectionism!
Home:
As I transition home and begin processing this year, I'm beginning to realize how important reflecting on each of these lessons is. God taught me so much this past year, but he didn't teach me these things just to teach me. He wants me to implement them into my life at home, to model these lessons through my actions, and teach others directly.
One of the main lessons I learned this year, was about LOVE. In some regards, this is a basic concept. However, love has an eternal impact. Love is the one thing that truly separates Christians from other religions, yet we often do an extremely poor job loving others. Many times, we pass judgment on others rather than loving them for who they are and where they are.
Jesus instructs us to not only love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and mind, but to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:36-40). He also commands us to love others as he first loved us (John 13:34).
From the sound of it, love is actually a much bigger deal than previously thought!
While travelling to different countries, cultures, languages, and people groups, love has been what instantly connects us with locals. When nothing else united us, our love for the Father is our common ground. There have been countless times when we've connected with a group of people simply because we all love Jesus! He is what allows us to sit together and share stories for hours with complete strangers! And because of the love we've experienced from the Father, are we able to truly love others!
There have been times in the last few weeks when it's been hard to love those around me. But I simply have to remind myself, that loving others isn't an option. It's a requirement. And truly loving someone means loving them when they don't deserve it!
"Let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and in truth!" 1 John 3:18
