So it is 12:24am on January 4th, 2013. I am supposed to be waking up between 6:00-6:30am so we can leave my parent’s house in Port St. Lucie and drive to the Orlando International Airport. I know I will only be seeing the airport, and possibly a few of my friends (eek!!!), but I am super excited to be going “home.” Don’t get me wrong, I still fully stand behind my decision to spend my last 2 weeks in the country mainly in Port St. Lucie with my family. Actually, it has been a fantastic 11 days! I have gotten to see everyone! And not just see them; spend time with them, time I normally don’t get to spend. But after 7 ½ years, Orlando is my home and I miss it, and the people who I love there, more than I thought I would this early into my journey.
Speaking of this journey, I am going to be very honest here; I am kind of starting to freak out. It really isn’t that bad, nor do I see it getting to be a full panic attack, but to say I haven’t been questioning my decision to go on this trip for that last week would be a lie. People ask me if I am excited, and I am, but maybe not as much as I should be. I mean parts of this trip really excite me! I am getting to travel the world, I am getting to serve the least of these, I am going to grow in my relationship with Christ more than I ever thought possible, and let’s not forget that the potential to ride an elephant is very high! All of those things make me incredibly happy and excited. So much so that I am ready to jump on a plane now and get this party started!
But there are another set of thoughts that can, and have, stopped me dead in my tracks. The thoughts of losing luggage, of not having what I need, and of not being able to be what my team and God need me to be on this trip become so overwhelming sometimes that I just want to unpack my pack and run back to Orlando. I read these other World Racers blogs and I always seem to say to myself “I hope I don’t find myself in that situation because I can’t handle/do that.” But the reality is I will probably be in a lot of those situations. And I don’t want to be afraid of them. I think in the beginning I will be terrified when these events happen. But I am hoping somewhere along the way it will just become the norm. That whenever those situations that I don’t think I can handle arise instead of freaking out first, I will respond by giving those situations to God knowing full and well thatHe has my back.
He already knows what I am going to face in the next 11 months. He knows the people I am going to meet, the ministries I am going to help, the people I am going to argue with, the people I am going to love, and all of the ups and downs of the coming year. He knows what adventures I am going to partake in, and which ones I will foolishly sit out of. He knows those moments when I am going to hear His voice and follow Him and He knows the moments where I am going to fail miserably.
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