(If you haven’t read Part 1 I would suggest you click here and read it first. http://karenaiello.theworldrace.org/?filename=embracing-stage-fright-part-1)
Quick recap: God used our Pastor this month to prophesy over me during our first few days in Malaysia. God said he was going to start revealing His plan for my life then gave me visions of standing in front of arenas full of girls and women, speaking life into them.
After hearing what God had planned, I had mixed reactions. I was so excited that He is choosing me to bring freedom to these women, to break them from the lies they believe about themselves. I have had so much healing during this Race because of the women God has placed around me to break me free of my lies, and knowing that He plans on letting me do the same for others leaves me in awe.
But then there was the side that wasn’t so excited. Actually, it was downright terrified. You see, since I was in high school I have had this irrational fear of microphones. I don’t like holding them, talking into them, even the idea of fake microphones makes my stomach turn. I can pinpoint the moment it happened to. I did a monologue in front of my youth group about what it would be like to stand in front of the gates of heaven, trying to bargain with God about why you should get in, only for Him not to know my character because she hadn’t been living her life for Him. At least from where I was standing it was a powerful skit. But after that moment, I never wanted to be near a microphone again.
So after God confirmed these visions for me, I spent a day or so praying about it. I then decided to share it with my team. They knew about the prayer Pastor prayed for me and I wanted to keep them in the loop as they continue to pray for me. I told them the vision and about my fear of microphones. It was then that my team leader Chanell said “That makes sense. Satan would cause you to have the biggest fear where God wants to use you the most.”
Oh my wow!
How true is that? Satan must be really scared if he started this fear in my in High School, a good 10 years before God revealed this to me. But there was something else that went along with it. In case you are reading this blog and do not know me in real life, I have a very loud voice. Seriously, my “normal” talking voice is a good 10 decibels (my estimate, not actual science) above everyone else’s. I have been told all my life how loud I am. It ALWAYS came across to me as negative. I remember about two years ago I began praying for God to show me why he made me louder than most people; Because my volume never bothered me, just those around me. But I knew God made me this way, and if he made me this way it was for a reason.
While on the Race I have still had people tell me I was loud, but I have also been hearing something else. I have been told that when I speak people can’t help but listen. I have been told that when I speak people WANT to listen because they value what I say, that I have wisdom. (Side note: the wisdom word was thrown out to describe me before I left on the Race and I did not believe it. It has only been through God’s nudging and highlighting areas in which He has made me wise that I now understand what it means and embrace it.) I have been told that when I speak I can captivate my audience.
So it is all coming together.
Where the world says I am loud, God calls me captivating. He has given my words meaning and given me the power to draw people in.
Where Satan says I have a fear of microphones, God says” I have created you for this purpose. Step out into it. Do not fear, this is right where I need you. This is my plan, my love, just follow me. You are more than a conqueror. I have already won this battle, so all I need you to do is show up.”
Watch out world, because I am about to show up!
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I just want to say another huge thank you to all of you who have helped me financially so far! I am on the last leg of the fundraising journey for this trip! I need about $1,600 to be fully funded! This money is due by July 1. God has been so amazing in bringing the money in that I am confident He will provide this in no time.
Also if you would like to donate to my personal spending account you can send me money through PayPal by searching my email address: [email protected] . Or you can give money to my parents (contact me if you need their address to mail a check). As I have said before, there are always unexpected expenses and right now I am finding myself having to buy a new sleeping pad because the one I brought with me got water logged in Honduras and no longer inflates, so I am sleeping on the ground. But I know God will provide! Thanks again everyone !!
