“What is one characteristic trait, habit, or something about your personality that the Lord has convicted of you lately” –Joise Dehlin (super talent writer, one of my best friends on the field, check her blogs out too).
This question wrecked me. It challenged me, and made me think…although I knew what my answer was the whole time.
Pride is tricky. Somedays the thoughts in my head are “I’m not good enough, worthy enough, loveable enough, or capable enough”. On these days, my biggest prayer is that the Lord would remind me who I am, that he would build me up with His words, and instill some gosh darn confidence in my life. There is nothing in my life that I could be prideful in on days like this.
Other days I tell myself that my convictions are more important than other peoples, I am better than the people around me, nothing is my fault, I am always right, I am the only one working hard, I am entitled to ___________. The comparison game has taken over my life, absolutely consuming me, yet it gets me nowhere.
I have begun to combat a lack of self-confidence with filling myself up with pride. ((I’ve always known it was silly, but it sounds even more dumb as I try to write it out and explain it.))
The pride in my heart has stopped me from loving people well, it has stopped me from doing ministry the way I want to, it has stopped me from being in relationship with the Father, and that breaks my heart.
The Bible clearly tells us that pride…
Deceives the heart
Hardens the heart
Produces quarrels
Brings disgrace
Leads to destruction
Brings opposition from God
Brings judgment from God.
The Bible also tells us about a humble heart…
Humility is freedom from pride
God saves the humble
He shows them favor
Exalts the humble
He teaches and guide the humble
Humility from the Lord leads to Godly wisdom.
I desire Jesus, I want more of him everyday. That looks like humility, accepting that His ways are greater than my own. Reminding myself that the words the Lord sings over me each morning are TRUTH. They have value. This is where I can put my confidence, a safe place.
Just a few things I’ve been thinking about this week, a little bit jumbled, may not make the most sense, but working on this whole vulnerability thing.
20 days my friends!!!! See you all SO soon.
