Good news—I’ll be home in 117 short days.
Bad news—I’m not excited.
I’ve been able to call each place we’ve gone home. Each time we get to a new country it only takes a few days to adjust to our new normal. We get unpacked and settled in, our hosts feel like family, and our village is our new community. When we leave for the day it feels natural to say “when we get home tonight” when we are really just talking about our ministry sites. Home is no longer about a place we are going, or a place we come from, home has become the people I am surrounded by. That probably sounds cliché, and maybe a little cheesy. People always say, home is where the heart is, right?
With all of that being said, I really am excited to be home.
- I am excited to see my family; 9 months is a long time to not see their faces and hear their voice in person. Washington is my real home, and always will be. Being away has reminded me how much I appreciate green trees and mountains.
- I am excited to laugh with my friends again. There have been too many times where I start to tell a story, or laugh at a memory only to realize the people who would understand are halfway across the world.
- I am excited to drive my car. This wasn’t something I thought I would miss, but is for sure.
- I am excited to find new ministry. The Race has taught me what it looks like to be intentional with the opportunities and people the Lord has placed in my hand. I can already think of so many crazy opportunities I’ll have when I am home, and I can’t wait to see the Lord work.
- I am excited to talk about Jesus. 9 months’ worth of miracles and stories that I get to share with all of you.
- I am excited for coffee dates and 7/11 trips, watching the sunset from my favorite spot in the highlands, playing golf with my dad, and hopefully finding the motivation to start skiing again. Finding a small group, a community of people who I can invest into. Grocery shopping for 2 people, instead of 12. To eat salad, real salad without iceberg lettuce. Holding all the cute babies that were born while I’ve been gone.
- I am excited to do normal things. Find my new normal again.
Coming home will be harder than I think I ever expected. In September, I was concerned about how hard leaving would be, but the day I get on a plane back to Seattle is getting closer and closer day by day and now my only concern is how hard leaving the race will be.
- I am fearful of the question “how was your trip?” “what was the best part?”. I’ll be honest right now, I won’t have an answer for those questions. This ‘trip’ was a year of my life, and to sum it all up in 5 minutes is impossible. I want to share every story with everyone I talk to, but unfortunately that isn’t realistic.
- I am fearful of saying goodbye. The race is only halfway over, I still have 117 days with my team, but the idea of saying goodbye is taunting. These are the people that I have spent 9 straight months with. Spending all day with, every meal, every adventure day. Waking up with and going to bed with. We’ve seen and experienced the same things. These 7 people are the only people who will actually understand the last 9 months of my life.
- I am fearful of not having plans. No job, no schedule, I barely have a plan for next year.
- I am fearful that I’ve ‘changed too much’. I’ve been taught over the last 5 months that change is good, but I know that culture at home doesn’t always promote change. I have changed a lot of things about myself, all for the better. I am fearful of losing people in my life that are important to me because of this change.
- I am fearful of slipping back into old habits.
- I am fearful that I’ve missed out on too much. My friends change and my family has changed.
The Race taught me that worrying is silly. Being anxious about the future is ridiculous, a waste of time. I am committing to living in the moment, and enjoying the next 4 months that I have. The Lord has so much in store, and it is an absolutely pleasure that he picked me to join him, to be the hands, feet, and ears.
SEE YOU IN 117 DAYS
