As I sit in the comfort of my own home, with the fireplace on, my warm vanilla candle lit, and my oversized Costco throw blanket covering my legs, panic sets in. In 6 months, there won’t be a fireplace to sit in front, I won’t have any warm vanilla candles to light, and I won’t have any of my favorite Costco blankets with me. Okay, I know what you’re thinking… “Kara you’re so dramatic. It’s not about the material things, you’ll be serving Jesus in cool places you won’t be worried about anything else, calm down, you’re fine”.
You are right. It is ridiculous, in the grand scheme of things none of this will matter, serving Jesus should have all my attention not what worldly things I will be lacking.
It may not be rational, or right, but its real.
I am going to let you all into my mind for a minute, share my fears and thoughts. I am afraid to leave the comforts of my own home. I am afraid of being sweaty for 9 straight months, of living in a tent, and taking bucket showers. I am afraid of living in constant community, and as in introvert, I am terrified of not having any time to myself. What if I run out of hair product month 5 and have to shave my head because I can’t tame my hair? What if I get tired of the only color nail polish I bring? What if I lose my only right white sock and have to wear mix matched socks for 9 months? What if I get sick? What if I need medication and can’t find a pharmacy? What if I run out of q-tips? What if something happens at home and I can’t be there? What if my sister gets engaged and I am stuck in Africa? What if my best friend needs me and I don’t have Wi-Fi to talk to her? What if something happens to my mom or dad and I can’t be there?
It may not be rational, or right, but its real.
And then I hear the gentle whisper of Jesus saying “sweet girl do not be afraid. I have called you to greater things than Costco blankets and warm vanilla candles. I have called you to love, and to love well. Will you trust me?”
These fears I have… they may not be rational, or right, but they are real. I am thankful for a God who understands the crazy. Who pursues a relationship with me even in the moments that I am too blind to see it. He takes the time to give me peace, to hold my hand, and to put my mind at ease.
This journey I am starting will not be easy.I will be tired, sweaty and worn down some days, I’ll get far too many sunburns, and a whole lot of bug bites. But let me tell you, this journey will also bring joy and smiles bigger than I’ve ever experienced before
I am deciding today that no fear will hold me back. No mountain too tall, or valley too deep. My faith shall be bigger than my fears, and I will trust God thorough it all.
I am so thankful for each and every one of you who have taken time to read this blog, and to all of you who have donated. This journey wouldn’t be possible without your support!
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” John 14:27
