“How do you prepare for an experience you know will change you?”
Those words that I wrote in my journal December 21, 2013 – one week before my first trip to Haiti – have been echoing in my head lately.
In fact, a lot of things have been kicking around in my head lately. Sometimes I feel like a jar that’s so full of things I need to process that I’m in danger of a tiny drop sending me over the edge.
I’ve been in an interesting season lately. I’ve been intentionally cultivating “white space” in my life, stillness and solitude. I’ve been giving myself time to think, time to prioritize what I want out of life, time to be still and let God speak and minister to my soul. I’ve intentionally spent nights at home when my friends are out having fun.
Psalm 18:19 says “He brought me out into a spacious place, he rescued me because he delighted in me.”
How wonderful is the thought of a spacious place? In the midst of the busyness and distraction that our culture is addicted to, the idea of a spacious place where the stresses of life can disperse and the tightly wound coils of our soul can unfold feels like a luxury too good to be true.
After my first World Race (I say “first” because I went back out on the field with a squad for four months on a “round two” to pioneer a new storytelling position), I felt internally shaken up – like a snow globe whose pieces had all come unglued and were trying to find their way back down to new resting spot. The foundation of who I was has been shaken – and God has been and still is creating something new.
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19
I described coming home from the Race like getting off the spinning teacup at Disney World (read about it here: “Getting Off the Spinning Teacup: What Happens When the Race is Over.” And coming home from the second trip out even more so, especially because I moved and started a new job four days after returning home.
I’m still unpacking emotionally from a lightning-fast season that was jam-packed with action, adventure and pouring out in the best of ways.
But it’s all good stuff. It’s all great stuff. Working at Adventures with a job that combines missions and storytelling is an answer to a prayer I prayed in 2015. I have big dreams on my heart – dreams to start a nonprofit in Haiti, dreams to write a book (or two), even other dreams that I’m not ready to share yet. I feel like a bud that’s getting ready to bloom.
So bear with me in the meantime. Bear with me as I continue to watch my internal growth shoot up as fast as Jack’s beanstalk. Have patience with me as I cultivate “white space” and need more time by myself and with the Lord.
Because, you see, there’s no way to prepare for a trip that will change your life. The best you can do is let the pieces fall where they may and figure out what it all means when you finally have a chance to stop.
