I can’t help but feel that I might end up in Swaziland again sometime in my life. This time it was a fluke, unplanned by man, a wrinkle in the grand scheme of our route, but I know it was everything but that to God. He knew we were going to be there, he knew it was exactly what I needed.
Our time in South Africa had a slight pause in the middle, because our visas expired a month too soon. Thankfully, Adventures In Missions’ center in Swaziland is just 7 hours from our ministry in SA. So, our entire squad made a weekend trip to Swaziland before finishing up our second month in SA.
Unfortunately, we were only there for the weekend (Friday-Monday morning), so they didn’t set us up with any established ministry, but encouraged us to make our own. I am proud to say that our squad stepped up and walked in the opportunities God provided. We lived next to a community playground AIM built and it was always always always busy with children. And there were always always always world racers there, too. I mean, hours upon hours of just hanging out at the playground. One afternoon, some of the children wanted to share these very innocent looking chilies with us, but we knew better, especially when the kids wouldn’t try the chilies themselves, and extra especially because of the guilty grins they shared with each other. We politely declined their generous offer. Sure enough, when the kids realized I wouldn’t try it, they broke off the end of the chili and tried to force feed me, rubbing it all over my mouth and teeth. Immediately my lips, tongue and gums were on fire. I think my teeth even burned. Ha! It was funny, painful, and memorable. Thank you swazi kiddos.
On a walk through the community, one of my squad mates and I noticed a child walking with a limp, and we called out to him. We began talking to him and asked if we could pray over his leg. He started laughing and explained his leg was 100% fine, he just wanted to mess with us. This led to a competitive footrace (which I judged, rather than ran). We walked him back to the playground, got to know him a little bit, and completed a couple of obstacle courses. Simple interactions like these filled our time in Swazi.
Later, we met a fragile, elderly lady, wheeling jugs of water across the rail road tracks and joe offered to help her take them back to her home. She didn’t seem to understand very much English, but we managed to hear a little about her life and family, as well as share a snippet of mine. We bonded over both having big families. Once we got to her house, we prayed over her before we left. She seemed grateful for the help and the prayer.
Throughout the four days we were there, our squad had a bunch of small interactions like this. Ones that don’t get mentioned in the blogs usually, the ones that have just become a part of our daily lives. It was strange being somewhere I would only be for a few days rather than a whole month or more. I wish I could have created deeper and truer relationships with the people we met. In the end, I am just grateful the lord isn’t limited by my ability or time. That he can do big things with a couple of young adults and just a few days. I am confident that he did what he wanted to do through me, however big or small. While in Swazi, I think the lord was giving me space to readjust my perspective, mindset, and focus. It’s easy to get caught in the routine and forget the significance in what we are doing. It’s easy to forget to do small things with great excellence.
Our last afternoon, our squad broke out into groups and did ATL (ask the Lord). We spent time asking the lord to give us clarity on where we should walk, and who we should talk to, and then we went out into the community. My group ended up at the home of a paralyzed woman, Zahneli. Two years ago, her husband beat her with a gardening hoe, and hit her in the back of the neck, causing extreme nerve damage. Ever since, she has been unable to feel anything on the right side of her body. My group sat and talked with Zahneli and eventually asked if we could pray for healing over her. The Lord had other plans than to heal her right then and there. But as we left, she told us she wasn’t discouraged, that she knew God was going to heal her.
That night, as everyone was sharing their stories from the day, a teammate started telling me her story of a paralyzed woman who was healed. My heart started beating fast. I asked her to tell me more. Turns out, my dear friend Zahneli did in fact see herself healed by the lord, that very same day. My teammate said that they had prayed over her also, but then they asked her to pray over herself, too. My teammate found her prayer so powerful she wrote it down. This is what she said, “I am just going to talk to God like a friend. God, I know you see me and you know I am so tired. Please heal me. That is my simple prayer.” God answers prayers ladies and gentlemen. My teammate and her group got to see Zahneli walk and move her right arm. Praise God!!
Now here’s the story behind the title of this blog. Did your parents ever reprimand you for not finishing the food on your plate by saying, “A child in Africa would be grateful for that food.”? I bet you rolled your eyes, just like me, and brushed it off. Well, guys, it’s true, and I’ve seen it with my own eyes.
The very last night before leaving Swazi, a squad mate and I took out the trash. Which means a couple of minutes’ walk to the dumpsite next to the outhouse, very glamorous. We noticed a couple of boys hanging around in the dark. We smiled and said hey, tried to talk to them and see what they were up to, but they were very quiet, just murmured, “Dinner.” As soon as we put the trash down, they began searching through it.
My heart kinda just stopped right then and there and went “oh”. I’ve seen some pretty tough things on the race, living in the places we have lived, but realizing these boys who we’d been hanging out with all day were dependent upon my squad’s dinner scraps wrecked me. Imagine, five young boys digging through your trash at your feet, and you just stand there for a second. What is the appropriate response to that? There’s no pretty way to put it. I won’t ever get the images of these young boys out of my head. Here I am, on a mission trip, I have more than enough, and these boys don’t even have dinner.
We tried to meet up with the boys and simply be with them, we didn’t want them to feel embarrassed, but they soon left. I felt ashamed, heartbroken, and angry. I guess, I also felt pretty confused. The question “why?” kept pounding in my brain. Why do these boys have to struggle with this, while I’ve never once had to even contemplate their struggles in my own life? Why is God not doing anything about it? Why isn’t there a way for me to really help them? And ultimately, selfishly, if I can’t do anything of significant, lasting help, why did God even want us to see this?
Cause we can give them the bread and extra food, easy. But we’re leaving at 6 am the next morning. We can talk to them and befriend them, but it seemed insignificant, and insulting compared to their struggles. I felt powerless and discouraged. Even now, more than a month later, my chest feels tight and it hurts to remember this night and these boys.
While our impromptu trip to Swaziland was refreshing, giving me a new perspective to finish well in South Africa, I left Swazi my brain full and heart confused. I knew I was going to need to really seek the lord in this. It just so happened that my team and I decided to start the Daniel Fast soon after returning to South Africa.
The Daniel Fast was inspired by when Daniel was offered the most luxurious foods in the kingdom, yet chose to only eat food that was simple and healthy. The adaption of that is to eat only the food you need to sustain you, foods from the earth, for ten or twenty-one days. I really encourage you to look it up and learn more about it. I was grateful for this tool, to really be conscious of what I am putting in my body and why. Am I choosing to eat this because it is necessary or because I am just looking for contentment or indulgence. I am living in excess because I simply have that option? Instead, when I wanted to eat something not a part of our fast, I turned and indulged in the lord and sought him in prayer. My first prayer was for those boys in Swazi. My second was, “God, what do you want me to learn from that night?”.
Here’s what I learned:
Be careful what you ask of the lord. Since the beginning of the race, I have been praying to have a heart more and more like the Lord’s. I desire a heart that reflects the lord and breaks for what breaks his. A heart that is sensitive to the people around me. I asked God to break my heart, and he answers prayers. God knew swazi would break my heart, point my heart in the direction of his. He showed me those boys that night to reveal that there is work to be done in this world and he needs people whose hearts are broken and willing.
Second, I had to realize that I was a little upset with the Lord. I am sure I have talked about this book before in my blogs, but once again, I was reading Just Courage when I came across this sentence, “Acknowledging that we are struggling with what the bible teaches about the character of God, is often the first, best step in authentic faith.” I believe in a God that is not blind, deaf, or cold. I believe in a God whose rage is ignited by injustice. I believe in a God whose heart breaks for the broken hearted. These are not just things people say about God, but what he says about himself, his very character, unchanging and constant, no matter the circumstance. If I believe in a God like that, I have no reason to be upset or discouraged. Because God isn’t any of the things I was angry with him for.
Romans 12:19 talks about how we don’t have to fight for vengeance, but instead “vengeance is mine (the Lord’s) to repay”. I don’t know who he is going to repay, maybe satan, but I am just grateful this injustice has not gone unnoticed. And God wins all the battles necessary to win the ultimate war. At the very end of it all, a banner of victory will fly over our lives with just three words “God has won.” I can’t wait.
Finally, don’t think that having hope for what the world calls “hopeless situations” as just wishful thinking, because hope is one of the most distinguishing characteristics of believers. We actually have someone to hope in (Ephesians 2:12 and 1 Thessalonians 4:13). Hope does not stem from naivety. Rather, hope is the fruit of spiritual discipline and maturity. Because we are in on the good news. We have a big God who is endlessly good. And that’s why I have hope.
Sorry for the long length of this blog, but thank you for taking the time to read, it has been in my heart for a long time and I’m excited to have shared it with yall. I have a prayer request for you all, if you don’t mind. Pray for broken hearts, for me, my team, and yourself. We need more hearts that look like God’s.
And now I have another request : ) Grace Pullin is a ninth grader who I had the pleasure of leading in a bible study last year. She’s also become a very sweet friend, dear to my heart. She traveling to Swaziland this summer on a mission trip for four weeks. I encourage you to checkout her blog and consider financially supporting her. Just type in her name in the search bar : )
Thank you everyone, much love
Kara
