Sometimes you wonder why you were so speedy in praying certain prayers. I find this to be true in my life quite often. I pray for patience. God doesn't bring patience. He brings a traffic jam where patience is my only option. I pray for love. He asks me to befriend the most annoying person in the room. I ask to be pulled out of my comfort zone. He sends me around the world.
Cambodia brought be out of my comfort zone.
Correction:
Cambodia took me by the hair and catapulted me out of my comfort zone into some hazy abyss where I can't see three feet in front of me. Thankfully, God never promised a lack of trials. He only promised He'd be there to hold my hand. And hold my hand, He has. Somewhere between the squatty potty, bucket showers, seemingly unbearable temperatures, and insane lack of alone time, I have seen Jesus in ways I never thought possible.
Don't get me wrong, Cambodia has been beautiful. I classify this as the month of little miracles. Nothing revolutionary happened. I didn't see limbs grow back or deaf ears hear. But I cried a lot. I am not much of a crier. But God had been allowing me to tear back the walls of my heart that house my emotions. My deeper emotions have sat, waiting for their return to the spotlight. Cambodia beckoned them to come center stage. That is a little miracle. I taught my English class a lot about the names of clothing. They can now successfully point out a headband, purse, sunglasses, or chacos. I don't know that I classify that as a miracle. But I'm teaching a class and they're learning something. So I suppose that is a little miracle.
Cambodia has a rhythm to it. Every movement back and forth pulls me deeper into uncertainty and closer into intimacy with my Maker. Intimacy has felt far more like desperation and far less like the lovey-dovey images I had always imagined. Intimacy has hurt. Intimacy has made me weep. Intimacy has broken me and rebuilt me day in and day out. Intimacy is one of those prayers that I sometimes wish I had thought about more before begging for it. But intimacy has been beautiful. Intimacy has sought me out when I didn't know where to go. Intimacy has bloomed when it is just me and Jesus looking at the mountains while I play my guitar. Intimacy has showed me love that I never dreamed of.
I genuinely believe that trials were designed to draw us closer to Jesus. In fact, I believe life was deliberately designed to draw us to Jesus. So good, bad, and ugly, I choose to draw closer to Jesus. Whatever that looks like. I choose intimacy.
