My summer began with a rope swing. The best part of my summer began there. As the summer progressed, the rope swing became a main event. My friend Marie spent thirty minutes talking me into the water one night. Fear gripped me and I could not make myself jump into the darkness, unsure of where I would land. Finally, I jumped. The cold water caught me in it's grasp and I couldn't stop smiling. It was exhilarating.
The rope swing is currently 7,000 miles away from home. My days are full of sweat, walking, pad thai, smelly clothes, begging God to show up, learning the guitar, wondering what I'm doing here, battling insecurity, rejoicing that I'm here, celebrating victories over insecurity, and failing miserably at pool whilst doing bar ministry.
My days are full of laughter, worship, reading, dancing, exploring, uncertainty, and missing the people I love.
I'm coming into myself and I like that. I'm comfortable in my skin. I dance without hesitation. I will sing for anyone who will listen. I feel like I'm back at the river with Marie holding onto the rope swing, talking myself into jumping into the cold water. I've been letting go of the rope of insecurity and diving into adventure, wherever she leads. I'm actually quite fond of her. I've always said that I have an adventurous spirit but a cautious mind. I'm learning to embrace adventure and trust that the Lord won't let me fall unless He needs to pick me up. I am learning to accept love in all of it's forms. Compliments, constructive criticism, a teammate making me a sandwich, a squadmate sharing her water with me. My dear ladyboy friend telling me that I look pretty, even when I don't. A friend stroking my hair because I need comfort even when my hair could hardly be classified as clean. Love is whatever love needs to be in the moment. Love doesn't need to be deciphered to prove it's pure motives. My job isn't to determine if the love is real. My job is to receive it and give it back to whoever needs it.
So I love. I serve. I cry with those who need to be cried with. I hold a squadmate's hand when she gets her wisdom teeth removed. I let my Thai friends make fun of my horrible language skills. I fumble through a game of pool and sing Justin Bieber songs to prostitutes who look bored. I play monsters with a child who can barely speak English underneath a bar stool. I love because I was loved by someone else first. I love because Papa created me to love and be loved.
