Because everyone wants dating advice from an unmarried 21 year old who is still trying to figure it out… Right?
Dear 16 Year Old Karah,
First off, this is you on your sixteenth birthday with a Garth Brooks impersonator.
Look at that hair with the bump on top. You always were right on trend. Notice the Hollister tank top and the chubby cheeks. What a life.
Your whole life was church back then. You went, you believed, and you tried really hard to be perfect. And naturally, you wanted everyone around you to be as perfect as you were. You got tired of this life after awhile, and realized that the attention you got from men was more gratifying than the attention you were getting from God. The truth is, you chased God for the feelings. You craved the next spiritual "high". The goosebumps in worship made all of your "trying" seem worth it. It was like a pat on the back for being such a good person. Those feelings were not near as constant as you wanted them to be. Men, however, gave you goosebumps all the time. You could always feel your worth from them. And when the goosebumpy-butterfly feeling went away, it was on to the next one. You wore your heart on your sleeve asking anyone who would to pick it up and call it beautiful.
Here is what the 'much more sophisticated, 21 year old Karah wants you to know'. (Sarcasm, I promise)
How you treat God is how you will treat your boyfriend/husband. If you follow God for the spiritual highs, you will never be in a stable relationship. If you only follow God until the feelings go away, you will only love your husband until the feelings go away. If you only love God when you feel like it, you will only love your significant other when you feel like it. Following God runs deeper than feelings. Loving another human being runs deeper than feelings. Both require tough choices. Young Karah, stop being selfish. Stop using men to make your heart feel good. Stop using God to make your heart feel good.
Following God is about recognizing how incredible He is. He is beautiful. He is worth everything. Get to know Jesus, young Karah. Stop trying to be so perfect and get to know the One who is perfect. If you can not love someone who is perfect whole-heartedly, what makes you think you can love a boyfriend who is imperfect whole-heartedly?
Your heart belongs first and foremost to Jesus, and secondly to the husband who will someday be yours. Every man you meet is someone else's husband. You are someone else's wife. Treat every man like he is already married. Don't hurt his heart and make it harder on the woman he is called to be with. Don't make it harder on the man you are called to be with either. You belong to Jesus and when the time is right, and you are whole, Mr. Right will step in. He will be your best friend. And it won't be easy, just like following Jesus isn't easy. But at the end of the day, because you learned how to persevere in your relationship with Christ, you'll know how to persevere in your relationship with him.
Here is what you need to know. There is a place in the depths of your heart that belong solely to God. Boys can never get there. Only God can. Boys can make the outside of your heart flutter, but only God can fill the depths of your heart. Learn to be joyful in the depths of your heart rather than chasing a flutter. A heart flutter is deceitful. Anyone can provide that. But God is all of that and more. Have a relationship with him. Let him teach you how to be a girlfriend/wife.
Lastly, don't follow Jesus with alterior motives. if you draw close to the Lord just hoping that He will bring you a better man, you have it all wrong. God is concerned with the heart. Follow the Lord with your whole heart, and he will make everything else fall into place. You need not worry, young one.
You ARE beautiful. Even when your hair isn't perfectly straightened. Even when your face breaks out and you are in sweatpants. You are beautiful because the One who created you made you that way. Hold onto Him and don't let go.
Sincerely,
21 Year Old Karah
PS. I can't wait until 30 year old Karah writes an insightful letter to 21 year old Karah. The journey has only just begun.
