What if I wasn’t scared? What if there was nothing that stopped me from pursuing Christ? What could my life look like? How could it be more fulfilling? As I sit here in the middle of Quito, Ecuador at Casa Blanca, missing home, getting used to my new environment, and trying to adjust to community living, these are the things that I ponder: what if’s. Not the bad what if’s that lead to guilty thoughts about the past, but good what if’s; the kind that cause self-improvement. So I continue with questions: What could my life look like if I relentlessly pursued Christ? What would it mean to go all in? Would my life be transformed? Would other people’s lives be touched or even transformed? What exactly does it mean to go all in? Does it mean that I become Ms. Religious good girl? Does it mean that I avoid unclean things of this world? I think not.
To me, right here and right now, going all in means going against the flow, going against social norms, and getting into the heart of mankind. It means not settling for the normality of this world because, in reality, no matter how much the world tells you it’s amazing, it’s not. The way of the world is crap. It is a never ending cycle of people trying to find some sort of satisfaction in their lives, only to be crushed when they find out that the satisfaction is only temporary. That being said, I do believe that the world is a beautiful place filled with beautiful people, who act the way they act not because they themselves are bad, but because in moments of weakness they lash out; not because they want to, but because that is the only way they know how to regain their ever fading satisfaction in life. No one is completely bad. We all want the same things in life like love, security, and “happiness.” What makes us different as human beings is how we obtain these necessities. Most times, no matter what it is, the satisfaction goes away and we go through Hell to get it back, only to have it lost again.
As I sit here in Quito, thousands of miles away from everything I know, I have come to a realization: I refuse to live this endless cycle. I have done it for far too long, and to be honest, it makes me sick and hurts my heart. It makes my heart hurt knowing how much pain I have put myself through knowing that the slight, instant satisfaction would soon flee just like it had always done before. It makes my heart hurt knowing that even though I hold the key to breaking this cycle in the palm of my hands, I still choose the path of pain.
For most people, it’s not their fault that they get sucked in. The cycle is all they know because they don’t know that God is so much bigger than all of their pains, and that even when their worldly satisfactions fade away, he doesn’t. They don’t realize that no matter what they do, nothing will separate them from the love of Christ. They don’t realize that he died so that they could live and live fully with endless satisfaction because he absolutely and unconditionally loves them. Yes, most of them don’t know these things and that causes them to continue cycle. I, however, do know these truths and I keep them inside my heart. If that is true, though, why do I continue the cycle? Why do I put things above God that, without fail, leave me unsatisfied and broken? Is it because of stupidity? Is it because of my “human nature?” Or is it because of my pure ignorance of how a life of relentlessly pursuing Christ could fulfill me beyond belief in every aspect of life?
After I have come to all of these realizations and remembered why I am halfway across the world, I think I have made a decision. I have made a decision that few Christians ever make because going into the instant gratification cycle seems to be the quickest way to happiness. I have realized that because this cycle sucks, I refuse to allow it to consume me. I refuse to put anything above God. I am all in. I am all in because through Jesus I can find endless satisfaction and I can receive life; the kind of life that keeps on going and bringing amazing satisfaction that will never cease. I choose to go all in for the betterment of myself. I choose to go all in so that others may break the cycle too and find life. Through Jesus I will spread life. So, to answer my questions, I refuse to be scared, I refuse to put anything above Christ, I am beyond excited to see where life will take me, and I guarantee that I will be fulfilled. I am ready for an “all in” life with Jesus… are you?
John 10:10
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
Go out and live. 
