As I was walking, a question popped into my head. My train of thought was about how great this last month has been. Why has it been great? Antigua is beautiful, there is a volcano outside my door, we have are own apartment that we love, popcorn, frozen Cokes and Millbourne’s, our team’s favorite card game, great restaurants, strawberry and nutella crepes, good fellowship with the people we are working with. Nothing has been hard here. All the ministry contacts are great. I would love nothing more than to stay.
Then I started to think about what God was teaching me. He had definitely been speaking. How often? Was I listening closely enough? Was I squeezing every ounce of his presence into my day? All of sudden, I went from celebrating the good to feeling guilty. My list felt backwards . Should my reasons to be in love with Antigua be based on how beautiful it is and how good the food is? Shouldn’t it be about how God is moving and changing lives here? Shouldn’t it be about how I am growing in the Lord? How I am participating in the sufferings of Christ? How can I be when I have an ice cream cone in one hand a coke in the other and I am on my way to eat the best crepes in the world?
Then I remember to untie the cat. I thought about what Paul said in Philippians 4:12-13 “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty, I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” On the World ‘Race, I have known plenty. I’m sure sometime in the next 9 months I will know some need. As I rounded the corner to the apartment, I thought it’s okay to celebrate the good. “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” Phillipians 4:4
Deep down I know that God is doing a great work in Antigua, through all the amazing people he has placed here. People who submit to Him and allow for his kingdom to be expanded. YWAM Antigua, Iglesia del Camino, New Generation, Arms of Jesus, Marco and many others I have met here. It is not just about great food. Our time here has been incredible. The Lord has allowed us to be apart of many different ministries and opportunities here. The food is just a bonus.
I am realizing that this year is about a lifestyle change for me. I want to be engaged and active in expanding God’s kingdom. I want more of him in my life. I want to be dependent on him alone. I want my heart to break for the things that break his heart. I want to bring his presence wherever I go. I want to listen and do what is ask of me.
I am not there yet. More often than no, I still check out into the comforts and convenience of this world. Sometimes I begin to feel guilty and the list of should’s creeps in. I have to remember the freedom Christ gave us. This is a journey. I am just beginning, I can’t skip ahead to the end because I would miss everything in between. The in between is my life. I would hate to miss that.
