Training camp: sandwiched into those two words is one of the biggest paradoxes I have ever experienced. There was pain, fear, struggle, and loneliness, but there was also joy, freedom, trust, and deep community.
I've been avoiding writing a blog post on training camp for a while now because, honestly, I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to say. In fact, it'd save me a lot of time and energy if I didn't even write this post at all. But I believe that the amazing things God did this past week were meant to be shared. So, bear with me as I try to explain the miracles our God performed at world race training camp.
The miracle that I can explain the most in depth is the one that took place inside of me. To sum it up, shortly after arriving to training camp I was a mess. I had been suddenly overcome by fear. It seemed almost unexplainable, and absolutely unbearable. I was fearful of feeling uncomfortable on the race, afraid of letting go of things that I needed to let go of, afraid of community with my squad, afraid of team formations, afraid of getting sick on the race, afraid of roughing it for a year, afraid to leave my life behind. This fear was altogether crippling. It led me to physical pain and feeling sick to my stomach for days. It distanced me from my squad as my pride refused to allow others to know I was struggling. However, it was only a matter of time and a few nights with little to no sleep that I reached my breaking point. I finally admitted to myself that this fear was out of control and not of the Lord, so I sought out help.
The moment I confessed my fears and doubts to my brothers and sisters in Christ and to the Lord, I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders. As we prayed for the peace of Jesus to overwhelm me, I felt the fear slowly begin to leave my body. The physical pain that had been making me feel weak and nauseous also began to dissipate. I was shocked. For the first time in a while, I felt completely at peace. From that moment on I began to experience more and more peace, joy, and vulnerability. It was only then that I realized I had been under serious attack by the enemy. Guys, there is an enemy, but there is also a God more powerful than anything we could ever imagine. And He loves us.
God rescued me from the chains of fear. His breath of strength and peace literally filled my lungs. I felt the presence of God. I felt Him give me His strength, send His angels to watch over me, and open my eyes to the warfare going on around me. He rescued me, He set me free.
So now, almost a week after training camp has ended many people have still asked me if I am afraid. My answer is yet again a paradox. I still have fear, I still have doubts; so yes I am afraid. But stronger than that fear, is my trust in my Savior. No matter what I face, how uncomfortable or scary, I know that God is bigger. He will never leave my side, regardless of where I am on this planet. Many years ago God delivered this message to Israel, and today He is delivering the very same message to me:
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)
So faithful reader, God wants to free you too. Are you ready?
