Have you ever been mad at someone for not giving you something you deserve? Or at least something you think you deserve? For most of us, the answer to that question is probably yes. When we think we deserve something, work hard for something, etc. we expect to receive it.
Entitlement: to give (a person or thing) a title, right, or claim to something; furnish with grounds for laying claim. Synonyms; authorize, qualify
A few weeks back, I started to feel pretty sick. This sickness consisted of constant nausea, feeling faint and anxious, fatigue, and an aching body. No matter what I did, I just could not seem to kick this sickness. Unfortunately, it only continued to escalate from there. I ended up going to prompt care late one night to see if there was anything they could do for me. They gave me some medicine and I took the next day off work. I found myself starting to get a little bit worried though. My college graduation was just a couple days away. Inside I kept telling myself “Don’t worry Kara; God won’t let you miss your college graduation. He loves you and you deserve to be there.” After thinking I was mostly better, I drove back to school Thursday night to spend some time with a few of my friends before we graduated together Saturday morning. But I was absolutely miserable. The whole time.
As Friday night approached I felt the worst I had since the sickness started almost two weeks prior. I found myself getting angry with God. I wanted to yell at him, “God! Hello, can you hear me?! Why aren’t you healing me?! If you really loved me you would heal me so I can go to graduation tomorrow!” Bitter and upset, I treaded from the couch to bed while my friends all enjoyed each other’s company. I wanted to burst into tears (and did numerous times). Finally, late that evening, I called my mom and asked her to come get me. I couldn’t bare it anymore. I realized though, that as I did this I was basically guaranteeing myself that I would be missing my 9am graduation the next day; my college graduation that I had worked so hard to achieve for the past four years. That only made me feel worse. The next morning came and went while I stayed in bed feeling bitter, disheartened, and confused. Why God, why?? I avoided spending time with Him for about a week, but when I finally decided to crack open my devotional this is what I read.
“Beware of feeling entitled to my good gifts. Receive blessings from me thankfully, yet be willing to release them back to me—without growing resentful. When you have lost something precious…you may think it irrational to be joyful. But this is a worldly way of thinking… you can learn to focus on the good things that remain—and find joy in the one who will never leave you. Remember that it is possible to be sorrowful, yet always rejoicing. You must be willing to let go of anything I take from you—no matter how painful the loss. Then direct your attention fully to me, trusting that I will never let go of you.” (Jesus Today)
How often do I feel entitled to things? To God’s GIFTS? I often feel entitled to good health, good fortune, and good things in this life, but so often forget that they are gifts that I do not even deserve. It is by God’s grace that I am given these gifts; and I realize just how badly I need to learn that they do not constitute the Father’s love for me. The greatest gift that I could EVER receive, I already have. I am forgiven, wiped clean, and redeemed by the blood of Christ. I am able to enter the most holy place because of Jesus’ death on the cross. I literally have the Spirit of God living within me. I already posses the ultimate gift! Yet I not only want more, but feel that I deserve it. I deserve good health, I deserve to spend time with my friends when I want to, and I deserve to walk at my college graduation. But none of those things are necessary. God thought it more necessary on that Saturday morning for me to learn about his never ending love for me, my selfishness, and the ease at which I am able to fall into the lies of this world, and for that I am thankful.
God I am entitled to nothing in this life. Help me to remember that. Help me to believe in your promises of never ending love, and to know that your love is not measured in gifts. Holy Spirit, thank you for living and dwelling within me. Remind me of my position in Christ. God praise be to you for what I learned through my sickness even as it continues today. Thank you for knowing what is best for me.
Love, Kara
