God has blessed me abundantly. I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, a closet full of clothes, a college education, and friends and family who love and care for me greatly. However, there is something else that the Lord has given me that surpasses all of these things: a relationship with my Creator.
I grew up in a home where I went to church every week, prayed before every meal, and each night before I went to bed. I was exposed to who Jesus is at a young age and knew that I wanted God to be a huge part of my life. But even then I was trying to control my own life; believing that God loves me, but that I had to come up with a perfect plan for my life. A major part of my life plan was gaining acceptance from others; it was almost like a promise I had made to myself; that I would go to high school and be popular and have a great boyfriend, and all of that. I wanted everyone to think my life was perfect. So I got to high school and I found the acceptance I had been looking for. I had the friends, the boyfriend, even the popularity, but it wasn’t enough to fully satisfy me. I felt empty. I looked in all the wrong places for satisfaction, all the while praying that God could just make me happy. Around this time I had been dating a guy for about a year and was just sure we would get married someday. But things started to fall apart and we eventually broke up. During the break up I experienced many added hardships along the way and felt truly alone. I realized that I couldn’t rely on my “perfect” plan, because clearly it wasn’t so perfect after all. But I also realized that I could rely on God; in fact he wanted me to. So that’s just what I did. I was amazed at how turning to God brought me so much peace and happiness. But unfortunately, I was 16 and easily distracted.
One major distraction for me continued to be boys. Six months after my boyfriend and I had broken up, I entered into another relationship that would last for 3 years; a relationship that I often found my identity in without even realizing it. We dated through the remainder of high school and into college. As I began to get involved in Cru (a college ministry) my freshman year at Southern Illinois University in Edwardsville and at Illinois State University when I trasnferred my sophomore year, I began to realize a lot about who I am and who Jesus is. Through the weekly meetings and bible studies I was involved in, I finally realized that for so long I really had been searching for acceptance through other things. I also realized that my relationship with my boyfriend was not exactly bringing God glory. But this guy accepted me and said he loved me and would always be there for me. Yet it was still never enough; for some reason those words could never fully satisfy me. Then it hit me. Jesus. Jesus will be by side not just for the time being, but for eternity. He promises that he will fully satisfy me and that he loves me. In fact, Jesus loves me so much that he came down from heaven to earth to die for my sins. He paid the price for the broken life I live, with his perfect and holy life. The price had to be paid. It finally became clear to me that God already has a perfect plan for my life. He will provide for me and care for me along the way and he will fully satisfy me! So I decided that I would give the reigns of my life to God. I would finally allow Jesus to be the Lord of my life and cling to the trust I was putting in him. I decided to die to myself and live for Jesus. A week later I ended things with my boyfriend of 3 years, and even through heartbreak I found complete joy in Jesus and what he has in store for me. No longer do I have to look for acceptance in approval from others, because I know that I am accepted and loved by Christ. The anxiety and worry I had harbored about my future for my whole life seemed to disappear. I suddenly found assurance in God's promises.The truth is, Jesus loves us more than we could ever deserve, and more than we could ever imagine.
This isn't a story about me, but about what God has done in my life. He has healed my heart and continues to pursue me every single day. I am merely in the palm of my Father's hand, trusting Him for what is to come.
Love,
Kara
