Sometimes I forget how much my life has changed. It’s crazy to think about the person I used to be. Tonight as I was looking through some old things, I came across a bundle of letters from an ex-boyfriend. I found myself actually confused as I read through some of the letters, as he kept telling me “life is good”, “I hope you’re not overworking yourself too much while I’m gone”, “don’t stress!”, etc. These phrases kept appearing in the letters, and then it hit me. I remembered the person I used to be before I wholly surrendered my life to Jesus.
Worry and stress were close friends of mine back in the day. I was always worried about finances for college. I was constantly worrying about my future, which by the way I had entirely planned out. As much as I wanted to not stress and worry I just couldn’t seem to shake the habit. My stress even led to chronic daily headaches, expensive medications, and frequent trips to the neurologist. I felt as if I were a slave to my worry and stress. Other people often noticed it and, much like my boyfriend at the time, tried to encourage and calm me down. Even though I believed in the Lord and what had been done for me, I wasn’t living my life as if I believed His promises. To be honest, I don’t know that I did believe God’s promises to me when it came to controlling my own life. I felt as if I had to create my future; as if I had to plan every step.
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. -Proverbs 16:9
What beautiful truth this is from our Father! When I decided to allow God to take the driver seat of my life, I was literally in shock and awe as my worry and stress was transformed into peace; trust in the Lord to fully provide for me. Life is so much more joyful when we realize we do not have to worry, we do not have to stress. Our God determines our steps.
Here I am almost 4 years after those letters were written, writing this blog. Here I am preparing for an 11 month mission trip in which I have no idea how the financial support will come in, who my teammates will be, or what specific mission work I’ll be doing in each country. The Kara who was receiving those letters would be in extreme panic mode right about now! While there are moments when I may feel stressed, a little overwhelmed or even worrisome, I have the constant comfort that only Jesus can bring. I do not have to remain in a state of worry or stress because I can find peace in Jesus Christ, my Savior.
Love, Kara
