“Your’re calling out for me,but I’m hiding in the bushes. There’s no way You’d want me, not after what I’ve done. So why would You choose me when there’s so many better? I have nothing to offer- I’m a spiritual leper.”
I don’t know about you, but the feelings of unworthiness, guilt and shame can really put me in a “spiritual slump”. I could replay over and over past mistakes that I have made and times that I completely did not want anything to do with God- and it consumes me like a wild fire.
I have spent most of my Christian life living for myself rather than living for God. And it’s a sad,sad truth. It was always about my life, my pleasures, my desires, my plans,me, me, me, me, me, me. God never really fit into my plans. So a lot of the time I chose to do it without Him.
Before I applied for the World Race I was feeling the farthest from God that I had in a long while. I would try to pray, try to worship, try to read my bible, try to love, try to be near to my Father. But I was so caught up in my sin and stuck in my strongholds it felt impossible to ever feel His presence again. I had a severe case of spiritual leprosy.
And then I had enough.
God said enough.
I honestly can’t tell you exactly what happen except the word GRACE.
One night,it was on a Tuesday, I went over to my friend’s house for a girls Bible study. I hadn’t been to a bible study in a while (except Sundays). All I knew was that I had to be there and I had to fight the enemy to get there. I looked around at the 5 beautiful godly women that were there, I felt so shameful,so dirty. And way too prideful. At the end of the study there was a time to share about how the scriptures spoke to us and what was going on in our lives. Every girl shared but me. I had nothing.
And then my mouth opened and tears started uncontrollably flowing.
I shared about how I couldn’t pray,worship or read and how far I felt from God. They all right away came up to me, layed hands on me and prayed for me, and cried with me. I remember one of the girls asked God to allow me to dance with Him again.
My friends, God radically changed something in me that night and by His grace He allowed me to dance with Him again more intimate than I have ever danced with Him!
I asked Him to remove the hindrances in my life, relationships, material things, anything and everything-even how much I knew it would hurt. And He did.
My Bridegroom had once again rescued me from myself and my sin.
After I got accepted to the Race it was very difficult for me to accept God’s grace. I couldn’t imagine that He would allow me such an opportunity after what I had done to Him. After how many times I slapped Jesus in the face, that He STILL wanted to use me. And it has been a constant battlefield in my mind since then. But we are to take every though captive and renew it with God’s word.
Sometimes it’s hard to fathom God’s grace and His love for us. But it is real and it is available to us anytime we call upon the name of Jesus! Without understanding God’s unending grace and accepting it, we will remain in bondage. I have learned the hard way.
We are all spiritual lepers. In Romans, it says that we ALL fall short of the glory of God. But the Lord is quick to forgive and very ready to wrap His arms around us once again.
Your’re calling out for me,but I’m hiding in the bushes. There’s no way You’d want me, not after what I’ve done. So why would You choose me when there’s so many better? I have nothing to offer- I’m a spiritual leper.
The truth is this. God is calling out to each and everyone of us. He wants us so badly that He sent His Son Jesus to die for us. He has chosen us before the formation of the earth. Maybe there are some people that are more “spiritual” or “godly” than you,but God has a specific calling for only YOU and you have everything to offer Him- you entire life. No matter how messed up it was or is. No matter what you have done to Him or how many times you have betrayed God. He has redeemed and renewed you. Will you say enough is enough and give Him everything you have? Do not keep hiding from Him. I promise you that He will bless your socks off and rock your world for His glory! It’s worth every tear and every effort of strength to get you there. He wants to take you to places that you can’t even imagine. He want’s to use you.
Love,
