60 days and 23 hours until check-in.
At least that’s what my Delta app says. All I can think is 60 days and 23 hours to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.
There are things about home I’m dying to have- mainly my goldendoodle Sophie and an obscene amount of Chick-fil-A, but other than that I need to focus on this sweet season I am still in.
I talked to my family the other night and my brother asked me, “Kam how excited are you to get home? I bet you are counting down the days.” The truth is I am not, I can’t- well apart from this pesky app (I’ll turn the reminders off). I told him, “Trev I’m in Lima, Peru I got to admit it doesn’t suck.”
It’s true I’m scared to go home. I think it’s going to be awesome for a week and then unbelievably overwhelming. I have all the questions…
Where should I live?
What kind of job should I want?
How long can I afford a grace period?
I have nothing to my name. I sold it all for the race. I mean everything- my bed, most of my clothes, dishes, furniture, tv. I get to completely start over, and I would be lying if I didn’t say I love a good fresh start. I thrive on change, but I can do this change anywhere. That’s the overwhelming part. I have almost too much freedom What if I make the wrong choice, or move in the wrong apartment.
This past debrief we have spent so much time talking about the future that I can’t even see the day right in front of me.
What values we have and what we want to do with them
How to tell stories and answer all the questions we will get at home
What did I learn about God and myself this year
So now we have a new problem, what about the present? We are still here. I am still getting up in the morning to teach English at a school. I still have a team change on the horizon. I still have two months to squeeze out as much as possible. Because honestly I will never be in a situation quite like this one ever again.
I’m different. I don’t know what it’s like to always have a hot shower or spend more than $5 on one meal (and thats expensive for us). I don’t know what a full closet of clothes is anymore, or having access to a washer AND dryer. I haven’t had freedom to go for a drive alone in my car. Sleeping in a room without a bunch of teammates sounds weird. A supermarket with more than one type of cereal seems like the most overwhelming thing EVER.
The good news is that the Lord already knows all this stuff. He’s in the present and He’s in the future. He sees me where I am. He sees my worries and my joys. He knows the things I can’t wait for and the things I may not be so excited about.
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is it’s own trouble.
Matthew 6:34
This has been my prayer this month, to be more present. I want to focus on God and have Him tell me what to do when it’s the right time. He always provides. He always shows up. Whenever I feel myself getting anxious about going home, I point my heart to the Lord.
This month we got the privilege of working in a school with kids from elementary to high school. We would go classroom to classroom sharing about what we are doing and how it is impacting us. When you get used to a way of life, sometimes you can forget how cool it is. We are just finishing month 9, and at this point we have so many cool experiences to share. The kids had question after question for us in every classroom, every day. Each morning we were able to do a devotional for them, and looking back I remember how everything felt so busy in high school. So many crucial decisions at such a young age. I guess the stress of life choices never changes. However, I was inspired to share with them 1 Peter 5:7.
Casting all your anxieties on Him for He cares for you
And its true, He does.
