All I want to do is die. Die to myself that is. I came on the world race so I can give up the comforts of this world so I could come to life in Christ. But some how even in a country that has little of the comforts I am use to, I find myself clinging to other comforts. I can give up the comforts of food, having my own home,being able to come and go as I please, having a car, being around people who speak my language, and various other physical comforts. But there are others comforts that are harder to let go of. The comfort of my beliefs, my ways, my desires…are far more difficult to give up. And living in community makes it more challenging. Yes there are many great things about living in community, but it doesn’t negate the challenges that come along with it. Through community I strive to out to death my selfish desires. The desire to do things my way, to be around people who conform to my beliefs (you may be surprised how even Christians can disagree on some beliefs about things), even the desire to do things when and how I want to do them. I find myself struggling through, fighting my flesh. Sometimes I want to scream out and demand that things be done my way. I am being refined, giving up these desires, putting to death the things that make Kamie, kamie. But when I put Kamie to death, I do not remain dead, for I will be raised up in Christ. Taking on his desires, his timing, his ways, his beliefs. Part of this refining process requires me to be diligent about praying and studying God’s word. It is through these things that I am able to discern what is God and what is me. So my prayer today is ” put me to death, o God! So that I may become fully alive in you! Forever and ever. That I may walk in your ways, and receive your peace and your comfort.”
This process is not an easy on and I urge you to pray for me. Pray that I remain strong, and do not stumble and fall into the enemy’s hands. Pray that when I do stumble, that I will quickly get up and continue on. Pray for my team to be patient with me as I go through this process. Pray for my team that they too will pick up their cross and follow Jesus as they put themselves to death. Pray that love will abound. And that Christ will have victory in us.
