There are several days in my life that mark the end of seasons. Last day living in Colorado, last day of high school, last day living in Oklahoma (except now I’m going back, Yay for moving back in with the Parents!), last day as an A&M student, last day living in Texas. Now my last day on the Race is quickly approaching. Some of those days I couldn’t wait for, but some of them I never wanted to come.
I look back on these days I am reminded of two things:
- Every last day led to a first day
- How I ended one was how I began the other.
Leaving Colorado was hard, and I was sad and angry on my last day there, because of that I began my first day in Oklahoma depressed and upset.
I left Oklahoma thinking that a new state would fix my problems. I started my first day in Texas with the same problems.
My last day in Texas I was at a party trying to impress people with how much I could drink and drowning my insecurities in alcohol. I left hung over and empty. I started my first day on the Race insecure and prideful.
I have realized that I am not very good at finishing the seasons in my life. It doesn’t really matter how good the middle was, the end is always hard to navigate. I think it is because endings bring out anxiety and uncertainty. Even if the next step is clear there is still apprehension. And when there is anxiety there isn’t much faith.
Instead of resting in the truth, that God has me in his hand, I spend my last days rushing around trying to fix things on my own. That leads to spending my first days either praising myself or even deeper in anxiety and insecurity, usually the latter.
I don’t want that to be my life anymore. I want to end each season with thankfulness in my heart and excitement in my eyes. I want an unceasing joy that can only be explained by a constant peace with the Lord.
So I am trying something new on my last days on the Race. I am seeking the Lord and resting in Him. I am not forcing my plans; instead I am hiding His promises in my heart. And I think this is shaping up to be the best ending yet.
It will be hard. It will be sad. But it will also be exciting knowing that the same God who gave me this wonderful journey around the world is planning my next big adventure.
So to all my friends who are in the last days of a season, just rest. If you are graduating, getting married, coming home or leaving, trust your Father who loves you. End your last days the way you want to start your first days.
All this is in preparation for starting our last first day, when we can worship our Father for eternity in Heaven.
