Before I left for the Race my big prayer was for Papa to give me the ability to feel deeply. To feel anger over injustice, love for those we meet, sadness when we leave and brokenness for the lost. This month he answered that prayer. And boy does it hurt.
We were working at an catholic orphanage this month. And as soon as I saw their faces I feel in love with the kids. It took them a little while longer to warm up to us. There are groups that come in all the time. They are there for a few hours, snap a few pictures, hand out some candy then leave just as quickly as they came.
How could I tell the kids we were different? We weren't there just to get our yearly good deed or for a photo opportunity. There face wasn't a commodity to us, something to be posted to tell the world what great people we are for being there.
We were there because they are precious and we love them deeply.
Eventually their walls came down and we were able to see just how special they are. Each child was blessed with a different gift and talent. Each one had something beautiful to offer the world. And we were so honored to be able to see it. Each morning we came their smiles got bigger, and the hugs were longer each each night we left.
My heart was so full and so broken at the same time. These beautiful children, who have so much to offer, are orphans. They don't get the attention they deserve. They live in a place that is not the most loving. And they are often overlooked, unless they are in the way. All I wanted to do was tell them how much they are loved and how special they are. I asked Papa to reveal His love to them.
Over the weeks we could see the changes in the kids. Hard exteriors became soft, anger turned to gentleness and there was so much joy. He was answering prayers right in front of our eyes.
Then the end of our third week we were told by our squad leaders and AIM we couldn't go back for our final week. We would still be in the same city but the orphanage was not an option anymore. Their reasons were solid. I understood why. But my heart broke.
We thought we had another week. The kids thought we had another week. And now we find out we have 1 day, only 8 hours left together.
That goodbye was the hardest goodbye I have ever gone through. I couldn't give out enough hugs or "I love yous".
As I went to each child, looked them in the eyes and poured love on them I couldn't help but remember the prayer I prayed 3 months ago. I gave thanks for the previous two months and the times I felt His love deeper then I have ever felt it before. Because of those moments I was able to love these kids deeper and more fully then I have ever loved before. It wasn't my love it was His.
My hearts hurts because of the love I have for these kids. It takes all I have not to walk the 30 minutes to the orphanage for a few more moments with them. But I trust in His plan. I know we were there for the perfect amount of time. But sometimes when He answers prayers it hurts.
