My hands, my heart, and my life are full of good gifts from a loving Daddy. A sweet and funny boyfriend who I can enjoy each day with. A wonderful college full of opportunities and once-in-a-lifetime experiences. Family only two hours away that I speak with almost daily and see every month. A cute miniature dachschund who cuddles with me when I visit home. Not one but TWO church families (one at home and one in Greenville) that support me and love on me. A small group of young adults who love Jesus and have a great time together. A class of little girls that I get to love on and help teach about Jesus every Wednesday night. A CrossFit gym where I have fun getting in shape and getting to know some pretty great friends. An internship in an office full of women who love Jesus and love people where I get to be a part of something bigger than myself, something life changing. A nice apartment with my own room, a hot shower, an electric blanket, and a closet full of clothes. My life is full to the brim with blessings.
So as I have been "counting the cost" of going on the mission field over the past week or two, it has been pretty overwhelming. I've been hurting at the thought of leaving so much behind. Everything I know and love will be out of reach. I can't fit any of those blessings I've listed in my 50 pound backpack no matter how strategically I pack. In fact, I have been so focused on what I will lose in this process, it has been hard to remember what it is I will gain.
As I was worshipping and praying on Thursday night, God started working in my heart, loosening my grip on everything I love and am afraid to let go of. He showed me that the all these blessings I currently enjoy are from Him. He is a good Daddy who delights in giving His children good gifts. He also told me that, during the World Race, He has new gifts He's just waiting for me to open. Like a parent preparing for a young child's Christmas, He can't wait to see the look on my face as I discover new joys and experiences He has designed just for me. However, I can't experience these joys and blessings until I open my hands. And I can't open my hands until I stop clinging to everything I already have. As I cling to the present, my fists are closed. I must let go and enter into the next chapter of my life with arms wide open, not looking back on the last chapter– no matter how good it has been– but pressing forward into what God is preparing for me to experience next.
As I pondered this, I thought to myself, "But I'm so joyful and content with my life the way it is now. What new gifts could be worth leaving all of this behind? If I could ask God for one thing that would truly be enough to fill the holes of everything I'm being asked to let go of, what would it be?"
Then, as soon as I asked the question, the answer flooded my soul…
Intimacy with the Lord. That's what I want enough to willingly leave everything I know and love behind for a year. I want to feel God's presence every day, to carry on conversations with Him constantly, to love on Him as He loves on me, to share every moment with Him– in construction, in ministry, in my tent, in airplanes, in moments of joy and moments of struggle. I want the presence of the Lord to permeate every moment of every day. I want to be best friends and closest companions with the Maker of my soul. That is why I'm going. More of Jesus. That is why I can leave behind every blessing I currently enjoy and do it with a heart full of gratitude and joy.
One thing have I asked of the LORD,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to inquire in his temple.
For he will hide me in his shelter
in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
he will lift me high upon a rock.
And now my head shall be lifted up
above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the LORD.
Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
You have said, “Seek my face.”
My heart says to you,
“Your face, LORD, do I seek.”
(Psalm 27:4-8)
For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
(Matthew 16:25)
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I still have to raise $9,275.78 to cover the cost for this trip. If God lays it on your heart to help send me out by supporting me financially, click "Support Me" on the left to make a tax-deductible donation. Or, cut out the 3% online processing fee by writing a check to "Adventures in Missions" with "WARDKALEIGH" in the info line and mailing it to:
Adventures in Missions
PO Box 534470
Atlanta, GA 30353-4470
