It was the worst week of my life. I’m not being dramatic. I’ve had a year to think it over and compare it to other crummy weeks, and it takes the grand prize. I had been studying abroad for about a month and was in Guatemala when I was struck with the worst sickness I’ve ever had. I somehow managed to get a bacterial infection and a parasite, and they ravaged my intestinal track. I was rushing to the bathroom every 5-10 minutes around the clock, I wasn’t allowed to eat anything for a while, and I lost about 10 pounds in a week.
To top it off, I was in a Guatemalan hospital and hadn’t even brought a change of clothes. I had no idea I’d spend three days there. My mom was back in the states, Grant couldn’t get to a phone, and none of my nurses spoke English. When I finally fell asleep, they would inject painful medicine that would cause me to wake up screaming in Spanish, “¡Me duele, me duele, me duele!” (“I hurt, I hurt, I hurt!”) Other than the friend who was just as sick in the bed beside me, I was completely alone.
I have never felt so abandoned by God. I wish I could say my faith remained strong during that time. I wish I could say that my trust in Him never wavered. But that would be a lie. I was angry at God and felt hurt and alone. I cried out, “God, if my parents could heal me or take this pain upon themselves, they would do it in the blink of an eye, but they don’t have the power. You have that power yet you do nothing. How can you possibly say you love me and not heal me?”
I regret that attitude. Looking back, God was present and faithful. He used all of that for my good and His glory. I wish I would have not lashed out at Him. I wish I could have had joy in my suffering like so many Christians do.
Now, I am preparing to leave the country again. I am going to be back in a place where I can’t just pick up a phone and call Grant, and my mom can’t just rush over to my side when I need her. I don’t believe I am going to get that sick on this trip because God has promised me that I will never walk in that place again, but there are sure to be new hardships and trials. How will I respond?
Right now, the biggest source of my suffering is nothing more than a few research papers. That’s it. Life is good, and I am surrounded by people I love in a city that I love and with a future I can be excited about. There are no “trials and tribulations” in my day to day life at this time. However, in this time, God has been using my personal times with Him to teach me about joy in hardship. Here are two of the specific lessons He has brought to my attention:
1. 1 Peter 5:10 says, “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” In the midst of suffering, I can rejoice for a few reasons. First, the suffering will only last “a little while.” Second, I can joyfully anticipate the moment that the God of all grace personally restores, confirms, strengthens and establishes me. The suffering, though uncomfortable, is temporary and will usher in the opportunity to be touched by God in a new way.
2. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” When I undergo affliction, I will receive God’s comfort. Then, when other people are afflicted, I can share that comfort with them. The comfort that follows affliction brings glory to God. Plus, being the recipient of that comfort will allow me to be used in someone else’s beautiful process of healing and comfort.
God is currently teaching me about hardship in the midst of one of the easiest and most blissful periods of life I have ever experienced. I don’t really “need” a lot of advice on joy in hardship right now because I’m not facing any hardships.
But the time is coming soon when I will face real trials. In my time on the mission field, I will encounter all sorts of difficulties and struggles. There will be some rock-your-socks fun and catch-your-breath overwhelming beauty, sure, but there will also be really difficult days. God is using this time to prepare me for that time. As He prepares my heart and empowers me by His grace, I believe He is shaping me to be a woman who responds very differently to the next trial than I did in that hospital in Guatemala. He is shaping me into a woman of faith who finds a supernatural joy in the midst of trial.
Notice this with me: in order for God to prepare me for what lies ahead, I have to be willing to meet with Him now.
We all know the parable in which the foolish man built his house upon the sand. When the storms came, the house could not stand. The wise man, however, built his house upon a rock, a strong foundation. When the storms came, his house endured. The same is true in our personal lives. Our level of preparation in the good times determines whether or not we will remain standing in the really difficult times. If, when times are good, we go about our days and weeks just enjoying the gifts without pursuing quality time with God, we will not be prepared when trials come. If, however, we use the good times as an opportunity to press into God all the more, we open ourselves up to Him so that He can prepare us for what comes next. When it comes, our house of faith can withstand the storm!
Oh, how I long for every single reader to grasp this truth: daily quiet times are not a drudgery! They are a gift. God is willing to meet with you every day at any time. He is willing to prepare your heart for whatever lies ahead– because He can already see it! If you meet with Him today, He gives you what you need for today and begins shaping you into the person you’ll need to be for tomorrow.
God has a perfect knowledge of what your future holds and what you’re going to need when you get there. Furthermore– and here is the really amazing part– He is willing to share that knowledge with us and impart what we need to us! But we have to meet with Him in order for Him to be able to do that.
Amos 3:3 says, “Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?” The God of the entire universe has invited you to walk with Him, but how can you possibly do that if you’re not meeting with Him? If you’re not spending time with the Father regularly, are you really living life with Him? I’m not making a judgment about your standing before God, but I’m imploring you to examine how intimate you currently are with the Lover of your soul.
This is not a time for me to call you to a grueling daily Bible reading challenge. Instead, I want to simply extend to you a beautiful invitation from the God who knitted you together in the womb. He is offering to sit with you, listen to you, and speak to you every single day. Daily quiet times are not just a discipline to master. Daily quiet times are a response to a very personal invitation from God Himself. He wants to love on you today. He wants to begin shaping you for your future. He wants to speak encouragement to your soul and build you up into a man or woman of victorious faith. Personal, intimate time with the God of the universe is an enormous gift. Jesus bought that gift with His own blood, and He is extending it to you with outstretched arms, eagerly anticipating the moment in which you stop scurrying around and sit with Him awhile.
How will you respond?
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I still have to raise $3,500 to cover the cost for this trip, so if God lays it on your heart to help send me out by supporting me financially, click "Support Me" on the left to make a tax-deductible donation online. Or, cut out the 3% online processing fee by writing a check to "Adventures in Missions" with "WARDKALEIGH" in the info line and mailing it to: Adventures in Missions ———————— If you feel led to help cover the cost of my personal expenses (supplies/gear, flight to launch city, immunizations), you can contact me personally for more information. I am paying for as much as I can out of my savings account, but I appreciate any donations for these costs as well! If you would like to receive my blog updates in your email, click "Update Alerts" on the left hand side to enter your email address. You can also join this facebook group or follow me on twitter (@kaleigh11n11) to get updates between posts! |
