IF someone were to ask you, "WHO ARE YOU?" What would you say?
Is the person you are today different than the person you were say, two years ago?
For me, the answer to the second question is yes. I am different now than I was two years ago.
Why? Experience? Enviroment? Relationships?
The last week or so my team has been creatively putting together a "prayer yurt". A yurt ( whom we also named Kurt) is a historical Hungarian tent. Much like you would picture the type of tent Abraham set up for his camp in the days of old. Its fairly large and actually has a red wooden door on it to enter into. There are four prayer walls with include: the wailing wall ( in which to pin your heart cries and requests), a fishers of men wall ( in which you write the name of someone who does not know the Lord on a piece of paper and throw it into the net), a praise wall ( where you pin your heart songs and praises to the Lord), and a map of the nations ( where you pin your specific requests of a nation). There is also a prayer alter, many candles, incense, pillows and rugs. During the day it is a little warm, but at night after lighting the candles and being alone at three in the morning praying to the Lord, it is quite gorgeous.
During the prayer retreat over the weekend (4) days-ish- We all took 1-2 hour shifts praying in the yurt. Usually, my shift was any hour from 1-4 AM. Yes, during the day I was exhausted. But knowing I was committed to getting up in the middle of the night to pray, I just did it. On the third night, I started to feel and acknowledge the sweetness of His presence. There is just something about sacrificing your sleep to spend time with someone. Sleep is something VERY important to me. To sacrifice that, get sick, feel crappy for the next couple days was not really the result I was aiming for, but nonetheless, my spirit and soul felt revived and full.
I have been struggling with some inner demons for a while. I soon realized you can't fight them if you don't let them go. You cannot hold onto them while you say " I don't want you". I learned repentance in the yurt. I learned submission. I learned to become weak is to become strong. I learned that there are things that have become a part of my life that I hate and that I want to throw away because I know they only bring destruction to me and to those close to me.
Those things include the following: control, anger, gossip, manipulation, lack of compassion, lack of trust, jealousy.
That said, I am at rest and peace with that. It is the journey and time that produces goodness. Time is good for all things. The best part is that I have people around me that help me walk through it, and set amazing examples for me to follow. But I know God has started a good work in me and will keep working until the end.
