There are a lot of days when I want to email home and tell them that I am coming home. My flesh is done.
I am tired.
I am surrounded by people all the time.
I am not enjoying the food here.
I want my own space.
I want the option to be around people when I want to be around them.
I do not want to be vulnerable and share my heart.
I want to hide.
I want to be at home now.
I want to celebrate birthdays and holidays with family.
I want to see the leaves change colors.
I want to go hiking.
I do not want to sleep with 6 other people.However, my spirit is not done.
I want to go deep.
I want to love on the people.
I want to serve others.
I want to die to myself.
I want to be all that God created me to be.
I want to see the world.
I want to be adventurous.
I want to grow.
My flesh may be exhausted and done, but my heart is not. I am so thankful to be here.
Sometimes when I start to grumble about being away from home, I remind myself to play the "Thankful Game" where I name 5 things of what I am thankful for.
So today, the 5 things that I am thankful for are:
Fresh and aroi (delicious) fruit
Time throughout the day to spend time with God whether that be reading His Word, praying, journaling, listening, serving
A supportive family at home and here on the Race
Learning what it means to die to myself and to live for Christ
An English AND Thai speaking Pastor and his beautiful family for our contacts this month
I am so thankful to be here in Nakhon Si Thammarat, Thailand. It has definitely been a month of learning. We have been given a life of "luxury" this month where we are not constantly thinking how our bodies are going to survive, but how to process everything. We are living in a place where we are not praying for power to come on so we can cool down, not living in a place where we are constantly itching or fighting off mosquitoes, and we are not living in a place where we are experiencing major culture shock. We may have gotten used to living overseas but we are also more Americanized here in Thailand due to the culture. We are able to find comfort in little things, such as Dairy Queen, a mall, being able to eat fresh fruits and vegetables, smoothies, good food, air conditioning, wifi, etc. Due to these little things and still living in community and on the Race, we are able to sit down and think about what God is doing in the world around us and in our own lives. It is definitely challenging being able to sit and "process" everything, but it is a huge blessing because we are growing more in Christ. Which means, my flesh is dying daily and sometimes my flesh is stubborn. When I look towards Who I am growing closer to, I rejoice and stop holding on to my flesh. It is sometimes a very hard process, but it is one that I am finding to be more rewarding than if I were to continue to hold on.
Prayers: To continue to grow in Christ and to die to my flesh. I want to speak in love and truth to everyone, to die to myself, even if it hurts.
I want to be able to say this at the end of every day: "I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7
I want to fight the good fight daily. I want to have kept the faith. I want to look to my Father and have Him look at me and say "Well done My good and faithful servant (Matthew 25:21)," knowing that I have used all that God has given me and to be constantly listening and following His voice to serve Him.
