"How much money do you have raised?" – I don't know…
"When do you leave?" – I don't know…
"What will you be doing in each country?" – I don't know…
"What are you most excited for?" – I don't know…
"What are you most nervous for?" – I don't know…
"Do you have everything you need?" – I don't know…
"What are you planning on doing after?" – I don't know…
Okay. I'm starting to freak out now. As I sit here attempting to make a list of things I STILL need to get done before training camp (which is in 5 days) and launch (which is in – give or take – a little less than 2 months), my heart rate is absolutely racing (HA, no pun intended…). I can't even begin to explain how much I am freaking out! And I can't even begin to explain what emotions I'm even feeling right now – excitement, nervousness, fear, eagerness, nausea… All of these emotions attached strongly to my upcoming year of unknowns.
I have no grasp on what I still need to get done – there is an extremely long list in my head that I just can't seem to be able to get out on paper. It seems as if my to do list just keeps getting longer rather than shorter… isn't it supposed to be getting shorter?!
Jesus, calm my nerves. Spread your peace in my heart and over my life. Only you know what my upcoming year holds for me and for the rest of my squad. When you feel I'm ready, bless me with your wisdom. I have a feeling I'm going to need it… Give me strength and a clear mind to accomplish the things I need to accomplish before I can set out on this amazing journey that you have gone ahead and prepared for me. Thank you for this incredible life that you have given me! Without you, I would be nothing. With you in my heart, I get to see your world and your people through your eyes. With you in my heart, I get to be your hands and feet and reach out to the people who don't yet know you. Prepare those hearts for us Lord, so that when we meet them your love will flow through us and into their open hearts and they will be changed by you.
"So I Go"
my race my race my race
my race, more than the color of my skin and the language I speak
More than a 5 or 10k
More than a run in the park awaiting for the sound of the gun to blast
to activate my stride, my step, my course
Destiny in the making, purpose for the taking
Awakened in a season, rather forsaken a reason for my being, the reason
for my seeing
the reason for my hearing, my speaking, my life, my choice
My longing to dispose of a comfort and a fear that's recycled and reused
me for too long
Too many tears not poured into the right soil, the right soul
Too many years not reaping the ripe harvest, the right mind set in my ways
reevaluating my calling because I couldn't calculate it
Reconsidering convenience because I couldn't handle the leaving of home
The known for the unknown
The digital follow me's that have kept me at ease, appeasing the heart
of me
Keeping the real followers at a distance for the scared of me
Status-quos, fb statuses for real life and unpredictable challenges
so grow and break the rest of me, realizing that all of Him is the only
best of me for them to see
I lost part of me in the process, part of me in the nonsense
part of me to get sense but not change, my life is worth more than
dreams that keep me dreaming and people waiting, keep me waiting
and people dreaming about a love so deep it keeps them gasping for His air
His breath to keep them breathing, His words to keep them believing
Longing for more of Him in the form of me and me longing for more of
Him in the form of them, so I go?
