This is the story of a kid who grew up in a broken home, with a hardened heart and a constant search of peace.
Actually, this is the story of more than one kid, multiple kids.
A community.
A kid who grows up with divorced parents, a sibling who turns to alcoholism and drugs.
This kid spends their school years until graduation putting a smile on their face and ending their sentences with laughter to show the “joy” they have. A “look how great my life is” mask on at all times. It gets to the point where that smile that you’ve faked for so long is all you know how to feel because you’ve shoved every other emotion other than happiness so far down into your soul you wouldn’t even know where to start looking if you wanted to find them.
Over the past three days my team and I were able to work with a camp hosted for about 50 youth from the gang filled Hanover Park community here in Cape Town. These kids range from ages 13-22. The camp was a place for them to come spend two nights with each other and be encouraged as they just lost one of their brothers (14 years old) due to gang violence. Since this incident their stone throwing gang has decided to cease all gang activities and most of them have even turned away from drugs.
The first day we got to play some games and just get to know them. After a couple of ice breakers, singing and dancing we each took a table to chat with and pray for. I got the girls. We started chatting (as us girls love to do) and reality set in. Their excitement from the day quickly dwindled down as the real world hit. We went around and talked about things we wanted to pray about. Kid after kid a broken home, sad heart, problems with siblings and search for peace came out. Their masks were slowly peeling away.
The kid who is strong, knows how to get through everything and doesn’t need anyone. This kid needs to know that it’s okay to not be okay.
A lot of these girls are family for goodness sake but were holding shame in their faces, their were no laughs at the end of their sentences, only tears which seemed like a foreign concept.
Us kids, we’ve got to be tough.
After praying with them we got back into the big group and played more games.
The next day we went in the morning for worship. As we walked in the kids were doing some of their worship, singing and dancing in a circle (man I’ll miss this South African concept of worship). After a couple songs one of my team mates Jason led us some songs on the guitar. The only song the kids knew was the last, Break every chain
Break every chain, break every chain, break every chain
After worship, another team mate Lincoln gave a word about choosing God in the rough, rough times instead of cursing Him.
Let me let you in on the thought process of a kid like this (or at least one of them)
All the men in my life have failed me,
Being dumped by a biologiclal father
Traded by my brother
Hardening my heart to my step dad
All the men have left me,
God is a man
He will fail me, he will leave me.
So yeah, I’d say Lincoln’s word was pretty good. There is a saying about how we hurt the ones we are closest too, funny how that works with our creator. God, the one who is always there, the great I AM and we lash out on HIM. When we should be holding on, and drawing close to him we don’t trust that He’s got us… Man oh man we could never be more wrong.
After the word from Lincoln we split back into groups and I went back with the girls. This time it was me and my team mate Jen. We talked to them more and had some good girl time. At this point all the boys had left the room and I decided it was time for some rocking girl time.
We did what I like to call the “Fearfully and wonderfully made” run way. All us girls lined up and strutted our stuff down the walk way as the song “Scars to your beautiful” played in the background
“You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are. And you don’t have to change a thing, the world could change it’s heart, No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful”
Our team headed back home for lunch and prepared to be back for dinner.
Me, Syd, Kaitlyn, Jen and Linc headed back to the kids camp ready for a braai (A South African meat BBQ) and some fun times with these youth. Little did we know that our hearts were about to be hit hard, and the Lord was going to fill us so deeply with His love.
We walked in and greeted all our new homies then sat in a soon to be awkward circle. The pastor and his wife were with us and started the program off. She stood in front of us and well let’s just say that the birds and the bees were the main topic of our discussion.
After what seemed like centuries another lady came up and gave a quick testimony. Three years ago her son passed away, also due to gang violence. She said it was time for her to give him to the Lord, to heal and move on. This lady dressed in white from her head to her toes turned on some music and started dancing. Tears went from slowly rolling across her face, to water falling off of not only hers but the kids at this program faces.
I think if you could have put a stethoscope to mine and my fellow team mates hearts it would have sounded a little like a thousand plates breaking.
The Lord had taken over this room, their were no masks, no fake smiles to cover up the hurt.
We cried with these kids,
From one kid to another the reality was hard, peace felt like one breathe away but miles to reach.
This lady with her white gloves then called a couple of the kids to the front. She had candles for them to light, It was time for them to also let go.
Let go of these people who they were grasping so tight. People who they have lost, who have hurt them and torn their hearts apart. Then candles were being passed around to all of us. We lit our candles,
A room full of kids.
Candles lit for hope, peace and real joy.
We walked out and put our candles in the pool. As all the other kids went back in I stayed outside with Jen, Kaitlyn and Syd.
The next statement that was said is the best way that I can sum up this night
“Two months of this ministry just hit me, and my heart is broken”
We have been living at Camp Joy a restoration home for ex drug addicits and gang members, and sometimes we go out into the community and meet people who are still involved with this life. It is easy to get caught up in the amazement of these peoples lives just because it is so different from anything we’ve ever experienced. The sad reality of it is when these people go back home they are right back where they came from. They want to change, but that is so much easier said than done. Sometimes it is easier to have a hard heart towards their realities then actually let their stories move you.
We walked back in and I saw kids… kids who are broken. Who smile and laugh and while it’s not all fake because I do believe that they have such a joy. They are energetic and lovely and walk to the beat of their own drums, they are trapped. They walk around on egg shells afraid to crack, to break whatever peace may be at the moment. I saw them through the eyes of another Kid. A kid who knows, who walked on those same egg shells, who searched for the same peace and was “too strong” to show that.
We ate with the kids, and got to know them a little more, while shouting all the Afrikaans they could fill us with from table to table.
That night my team mates and I went home a little different.
The next morning could not come quick enough as it was our last day with these kids. When we got to camp they were standing around a table holding hands listing to some praise and worship songs. We then split back up into little groups and prayed.
As we got back into our big group we started jamming to some worship.
What happened next happened so quickly but also felt like the longest time of my life. One of the boys, early 20s went outside, no one really noticed that he was taking a step out. In one quick second everyone was running out after him, he was shaking on the ground, compulsively slamming everywhere. He was ceasing. His head was bleeding from slamming it on the ground and all the kids surrounded him. Kaitlyn and Syd stayed with him as the rest of us tried to get the kids back inside. My heart was beating out of my chest. We all circled up and started praying. After some time he stopped, the pastor came and things were still. He was taken to a room to nap and the rest of us sat. I don’t really think any of us knew what to do next.
Syd came out and started talking to them about what had happened and the safety that should be taken if this were to ever happen when no one is around. We found out that his seizure was from withdrawing from the drugs he was on.
I then went in front of these kids, these kids who had taken a piece of my heart and started talking.
From one kid to another. From someone who grew up in a broken home, with a hardened heart and no peace to be found to another.
I remember when I couldn’t even get myself to cry even if i wanted too. That emotion didn’t exist in me. I already knew that, that was changed in me a while ago so I broke down again in front of these kids.
From one kid to another.
Yeah some of our circumstances our different, but we have the same Father who will get us through it. He carries us in the palms of His hands and moves the mountains that seem bigger than this world. All we have to do is bring it to Him. Lay it down at the cross, for he will take it.
The kids were broken, but I know the power of the God I serve. He heals in such ways that we can’t even imagine. He takes our broken hearts, our torn apart souls and stomachs so sick from no peace and gives us life. He mends our hearts, repairs our souls, gives us peace so undesirable and a real joy that makes you smile from ear to ear.
I went from “that kid” to this kid.
If you know me, you know the joy I have. Half the time I don’t even know why I am smiling, (okay part of it has to do with the fact that I’m just a little wacky). But kids let me say that’s God.
I used to be ashamed of my story, growing up with such a brokenness, a blended family and no sibling love. My mask was who I was.
God has taken that away from me, he’s thrown those feelings so far deep in the ocean because my story is God’s story.
From one kid to another, I pray they heard that message.
Life is hard, and full of messes but with God by your side it’s so worth it. So,Thanks God for giving me my story, for showing my that it is okay to not be ashamed of my brokenness but embrace it, encourage others and even not be okay sometimes. Thank you for giving me emotions (even if that means breaking down over the simplest stuff and crying like a little girl in the back of the truck because I’ll miss my roomies). Thank you for giving me peace, and being the only strength I need. Most importantly, thank you for giving me a radiant amount of joy, smiles and laughters that I can’t help but bust out some super rad dance move and scream some weird noise whenever I feel like it. Thank you for making me comfortable in my own skin.
Hey Kid, let God move in you, through you and for you.
-From someone who has been there.
