So I recently found this book in our little library… can you guess what the name of it is?
Grace Walk, I know how clever naming this blog the title of the book I’m sorry -5 on the creativity points.
BUT PEOPLE LET ME TELL YOU, I really love this book. If you’ve read my previous blogs you know that I am struggling with some self confidence and other things along that line (if you haven’t you should because they are pretty rad).
Well before I continue let me tell you about something else that is happening in my life. I’m actually pursuing a deeper relationship with the Lord!! Crazy right, a missionary overseas pursuing a deeper relationship?
The book is written by a man who was going through a “rough patch”. Broken and hopeless is how he describes it. He feels the weight of failure and how he is pursuing God is destroying him. He is a pastor who was dedicating his life to Christ, but he realizes he was doing it the wrong way.
A couple chapters in there is a paragraph about surrendering to God
” I give God permission to do anything He wishes to me, in me or through me that would glorify Him. I once claimed these rights as mine, but now they belong to God and under His control He can do anything with them, anything He pleases.”
Now this is something I have been praying since the beginning of the race. I wanted God to use me. I wanted to glorify Him and let Him live through me. I guess I just didn’t realize that it wouldn’t be rainbows and butterflies to get there.
“Your sense of failure may be the catalyst God wants to use to bring you to a new understanding of the meaning of the Christian life”
Lately I’ve been feeling broken and hopeless (hey just like the author what do you know), the thoughts of “it’s probably easier to just give up on my relationship with the Lord” have been running through my mind”. Yeah it would be easier if I just gave up but then I wouldn’t be able to step into the plans God has for me. Yeah it would be easier to just say “whatever” and ignore the things the Lord puts in front of me but then I would miss out on those opportunities. And yeah it would be easier to stay laying in my hammock or stuff my face with popcorn but then I would miss out on time to sit and rest with Christ. I’m not going to lie sometimes I choose the easier route. Sometimes I decide to say “No”. Sometimes I choose to lay, stuff my face, watch movies or even just sulk.
But the times that I’ve chosen to say “Yes” have been way more worth my time. How silly of me to think I could grow and walk in the grace God has for me without Him?
That’s like saying I could drive my car without gas. In this metaphor I’m the car, the Lords the gas (just in case you didn’t get that).
When you ask the Lord for more, SURPRISE He will give you more.
“It is God’s purpose to bring us to the place where we rest totally in the sufficiency of Christ with us in every situation”
Sometimes that sucks. Sometimes we get to the point where we don’t think we need Him. That’s where I was.
“Sometimes God will let you become so weak that He is the only strength you need”
Yeah, that sucks but never have I pushed more. There’s nothing I can do but accept His love, accept His strength and let him live through me. Seeing that has been a big milestone for me.
This year my word is “YES”. Yes to pursuing Him, yes to being intentional and yes to resting in his glory.
“He loves you because, in His grace He has chosen to do so. You can’t do anything to gain Hods acceptance. Jesus already took care of that for you”
The other day I went up our little hill to enjoy the killer view and soak up some alone time. The other day I clearly heard from the Lord for the first time. I started writing in my journal having no clue what I was actually writing, when I finished I read it to myself
Kaitlin, the way you are in awe of the mountains and how tall they stand, the flowers and how vibrantly colored they are and the sun and how bright it shines is the way I am in awe of you.
You are a mountain, standing tall and bold glorifying my name. You are a flower, vibrantly colored there is none like you. Do not blend in with the weeds but sway in my presence standing out among others. You are a sun, a radiant light that shines in the dark.
Carry me wherever you go, let me live through you and rest in me.
2017, watch out because I’m standing with a yes in my heart and Grace in my walk.
