Pitter patter.
I slowly fluttered my eyes open and turned over to look out the window. Rain was gently falling and the skies were gray—the perfect day to sleep in. It seemed like just another beautiful morning at my grandparents’ house in Michigan, but a thought was itching at the back of my mind trying to remind me why I had a hard time falling asleep the night before. As the cobwebs slowly fell away and I started to wake up, I realized what day it was.
It was July 5, 2014. My wedding day.
I had the most wonderful wedding day spent with my incredible family and friends. I had the time of my life! So many people in my life were present…except for the groom.
You see, I was engaged last summer to an amazing man, but we broke off the engagement last year. At the time though, we had a lot of the wedding planned out—the venue, my bridesmaids and his groomsmen, who would wed us, the date, and the list goes on. It was going to be a beautiful, country-inspired wedding at the Bible camp we met at.
But, it wasn’t meant to be.
We came together for a season, but then we started going in different directions. It was honestly one of the hardest decisions in my life—to let go of a future with him. Up until that point, we had our 15-year plan worked out. We would live on the mainland for 5 years while he finished his Masters and became a pastor in the U.S. before we moved long-term to Africa.
When we broke off the engagement, all of a sudden my future was up in the air. The world was my oyster. It was incredibly freeing having the choice to go in any direction I wanted to go in.
In this new season I was in, I grew in leaps and bounds. I started growing deeper in my relationship with Jesus, since He was the main man in my life. I went back to church in Hawaii after having an intense experience several years prior. I started opening up to my sisters and brothers, and formed incredible lasting relationships. I learned more about myself—my likes, dislikes, everything really.
Now, a year after my engagement, I’m truly blessed that I trusted in God and followed Him down His perfect and pleasing path for me. It was hard, intense, and took me way outside my comfort zone, but He has exceeded my wildest dreams.
I wasn’t ready to get married. I was in love with the idea of being in love and getting married and having a family. After going through that season, it really opened up my eyes.
I’m still not “the one”. I have so much to see, do, and experience before I’m ready to make that lifetime commitment. Marriage is not on the horizon for me anytime soon. Guys in general aren’t on the horizon for me. And let me tell you, letting go of guys isn’t easy. It’s something I continually have to work at everyday—protecting my brothers and myself.
In Proverbs 4:23 it says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
This is definitely one of the scriptures written on the tablet of my heart that I daily remind myself of in this season.
As I look back on this past year, it’s incredible to see the direction my life has taken.
When we follow down God’s perfect and pleasing paths for us, he leads us into beautiful seasons we didn’t foresee or think possible.
So today, I thank God for having plans bigger and greater for me than I’ll ever imagine.
