Where do I even start? It’s so hard for me to summarize what all I’ve learned these past 2 1/2 months while in Georgia. Every day it was something new. A new teaching, a new activity, a new wall being knocked down. Some days were full of funny moments that I look back on now and just smile. Some days were full of hard conversations and tears. Regardless, it was all good and caused me to grow so much. But, I don’t know if I will ever be able to express that fully to someone. I sure will try though!!
When I was thinking about what exactly I wanted to put in this blog, 3 specific things the Lord taught me and grew me in came to mind.
- Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. Man, I have heard this my whole life. “Surrender to the Lord.” I always tried to walk it out, and maybe sometimes I did, but it wasn’t until I was in a place where nothing around me was familiar and comfortable for me to actually see what it meant to surrender to the Lord. You see, it isn’t just a one time thing. It’s a heart posture. It’s something that you have to do constantly. There is so much in me that does not glorify the Lord. My flesh is so weak, BUT He is so strong. I had to come to a place of humility, knowing I can not be who I wish to be without Jesus. In order to grow I must surrender what the Lord asks me to surrender, no matter how hard that may be. And sometimes what He asks me to surrender isn’t necessary a bad thing. In many cases it was actually a good thing that the Lord was asking me to give to Him that way He could take it and make it even better. And that’s still something I am continuing to grow in!! I don’t have it all figured out. Truthfully, I never will. But I do know that the closer I am to Him the easier it will be to surrender, and through that surrender will come so much fruit. I’ve seen it happen in me. I’ve seen it happen in the people around me.
- One other huge thing the Lord started to walk me through around week 2 of being in Georgia was that I am His bride. WHAT? That’s so cool. Before coming on the Race it was actually really easy for me to picture the Lord as either a Father or a friend. I’ve grown up with such a loving earthy father who has truly shown me what it means to be loved deeply, so when I heard that the Lord was my Father, it wasn’t hard for me to picture what that meant. What a blessing!! Same with him as my friend. I have amazing people in my life who I know would do anything for me. They teach me how to love better and be more like Christ daily. So again, it was never hard for me to picture what it may look like for God to be my friend. But, when it came to me being the bride of Christ, I had nothing really to base that on. So, slowly, the Lord started to walk me through what it meant for Him to love me in a way that a husband loves his wife. What it looked like for Christ to love the church, aka you and me. And man, does He love us. He doesn’t look at us the way anyone else does. He looks at us with such great a love that I will never understand. He literally died for us. You and me. And He created a way for us to be with Him in heaven. How sweet of Him? There is no one like Him. I love being His bride, truly I do.(A few other girls were walking through the same thing at the same time as well, so it was a fun topic to talk about with them!)
- The last thing I’ll touch on that I learned while it Georgia was that, the Lord needs to be the foundation of my identity. No if, ands, or buts about it. He has to be. If He is not the one in whom I find and place my identity in, I will never be satisfied. For as long as I can remember I have strived for perfection. I have wanted to be everything for everyone. I would change to fit in with a group of people. I would compare myself with every single person I saw. I sought validation from the world. How exhausting!! I learned very quickly that I would never be able to measure up to the standards of this world, BUT that’s because I was never intended to! See, the truth I was missing in all of this was that the Lord has already approved of me and called me worthy. Before anyone else ever did, or didn’t, my Father set me apart and validated me. Once I got ahold of this truth I felt so free. Like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Instead of being so concerned of what the people around me thought of me, I was rather just concerned of what the Lord thought. After having that revolution, I was then able to allow the Lord to come in and tear apart my faulty foundation. Piece by piece He started rebuilding it again, but this time making my foundation Him. The only solid rock. Not the words of others. Not the approval of my peers. Just Him. And man is this something I am still learning about. It’s a process. But, I am confident in the fact that the Lord loves me, and that is enough. If no one else saw in me what He saw, the simple fact that He sees me and knows me is enough.
Looking back, I loved Georgia. And I mean, I really loved Georgia. I loved waking up every morning at 6:30 to go watch the sunrise. I loved getting to know the powerful testimonies of my squad members. I loved sitting through teachings on hard and uncomfortable topics. I loved knowing that there was always a shoulder for me to cry on. I love the fact that I know that I am now that much more prepared to leave to go out of the country in January.
With that, I have a few updates!! Due to some restrictions related to covid, our squad will be launching on January 8th to Costa Rica instead of Africa and Asia. There, we will be doing children’s ministry, local outreach, skate ministry…you name it! Yes, this is not at all what I expected, but I’ve learned the Lord tends to do that. Take your plans and changes them, for the better. So I’m excited!! I’m ready to get out there and share the love of the Lord to the people in Costa Rica. Until then, I’ll be home, loving on my amazing community here. Soaking up all the time I can possibly get for the next 14 days!! I love y’all. Thank you again for all your support. You will never know how truly grateful I am.
-kailey <3
