11/19/13
It’s the 19th day of Month 5, and you know what that means! Thankfully I didn’t “loose” it! I’ve been opening my letters from home on the 15th of every month, but I was too excited to wait. So I opened it on the 11th, and I’ve read it every day since. I read the little note first, and of course you had me laughing. But when I opened your actual letter, I began to sob. Thank you for taking this seriously. I don’t know how you knew that I would need your words the most Month 5, but God knew, and He has spoken to me more this month in Nepal through your letter than He has through anything else the last four months combined.
I remember the day God told me to go on this journey. I felt brave as I said, “OK,” but do you want to know the truth? I’m weak. I’m a lot homesick everyday. And if I’m being completely honest, I’ve spent a majority of this journey angry at God. After I read your letter, I asked God many questions – the main one being, “Why the hell did you call me here?” And I heard His voice clearly say, “My dreams for you are far bigger and far greater than the dreams you have for yourself.” Your dream was baseball. And maybe when you got to college you didn’t work hard enough. And maybe your life turned out different than you expected it to. But it was NOT the “wrong life.” I had dreams too. And I didn’t work hard enough in college either. And I made decisions that caused my life to spiral out of control. But through it all I’ve learned that God is always in control. It was those decisions that caused my life to spiral out of control and be far from what I expected it to be that brought me to where I am right now – lying in a hammock in the middle of nowhere Nepal writing you a letter about what God is doing in my life and what He wants to do in yours. And it was the decisions you made that brought you to your very own family. That’s my favorite part of your story!
I was listening to a podcast and something JP said in the message has stayed with me. He said, “When I was 21 years old, I wanted to sit on the throne so bad. I wanted the crown and everything. I just wanted to make the biggest name for myself, like that was my ultimate goal in life. And the days were just ticking by, like I wanted to be a millionaire by 30. I had all of these stupid dreams that were all about me, they were all about me. And I missed the cross completely. Because I wanted the throne so bad. And then I saw the cross, and nothing else mattered. Don’t get me wrong, there’s days of foolishness, there are moments of lack of clarity, but my community comes around me and points me back to the cross. I don’t want you to miss it. It’s time to deal with the cross. It’s time to deal with Jesus. It’s time to be fully in, fully vested, a part of something bigger than you, leveraging your suffering, leveraging your opposition, leveraging your life for the kingdom, so that you would experience life to the full. It’s good. It’s so unbelievably good.”
I don’t want you to miss it. I don’t want you to miss the cross in your life. I don’t want you to miss what God has already done, what He’s doing, and what He’s going to do. God’s dreams for YOU were and are far bigger and far greater than the dreams you had and have for yourself.
Can I tell you something that I’ve never told you before? I’m thankful for those few years of bad decisions in my life because I truly think that through that time I was able to understand you better. I think it brought us closer together. And so when I tell people my story, I always tell about you. And through the years I’ve realized how powerful YOUR story is. You’re the reason I believe that just because someone is making bad decisions doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. You’re the reason I believe people can change. And yeah, maybe that gets me in trouble sometimes. And yeah, maybe people think I’m crazy sometimes. But God never gave up on us, so why should we ever give up on others? You’re one of the reasons I’m so passionate about people.
You’re right, I have a really big chance to touch a lot of lives during these months that I’m away, but it’s the hearts at home that I’m hoping to touch the most. I asked again, “God, why am I here?” And He reminded me again what He had already told me before I left, “I’m doing BIG things in your absence.” So just know that you have a sister who is traveling around the world right now that thinks about you all the time, prays for you, cries for you, worries for you, and yes, even misses you (way more than I expected to). I can’t wait to be back in six months, sitting on Pop’s Porch, and telling my great great family all about my adventures. And let’s be real, I’ll probably drink one of Mam’s mini michelob ultra’s (or maybe two, because we both know that just one of those things isn’t enough even if she says it’s plenty). Until then, don’t forget, we will never ever ride the bumper boats!
I love you!
Kadie
