People always say, “The older you get the faster time goes by,” which with each year that I get older becomes more and more true. Fancy that, those that have gone before me actually know a thing or two! But really though, the older I get (definitely since living my life with Christ), time flies. Each day and each moment with Christ has purpose. I’m not living just to get by any longer. Now there is purpose, love, and pain in each step I take and each breath I breathe. Some days I have no idea where the step He’s asked me to take will lead me, but He’s never failed to show me at the end of the day the why or the who. Each encounter with someone new or someone familiar is a gift. The day I began realizing that and walking WITH Christ and not just FOR Him, time definitely flew by. It was as if He’s given me a glimpse into eternity, realizing that we are given “time” but all that we do within the means of “time” rings throughout eternity. I believe before I left for the World Race 11 months ago I knew this to be true but never in my life could I have imagined I’d then be sitting here reflecting on 11 months of love, pain, heartache, and growth to the magnitude that I am now.
How is it that 11 months have flown by but flown by so slowly? Is that even a thing? Is that even possible? There were days that were filled with exhilarating moments of evangelism and seeing God move in some of the most tangible ways, like revival breaking out in the streets of Chimoio, Mozambique, or witnessing a prostitute working in the bars in Pattaya, Thailand, meet the lover of her soul Jesus Christ in the middle of so much darkness, the kids in India high up in the jungle literally on their faces in the dirt praising and worshipping God for hours into the night after completing their week of exams that Friday, and watching and hearing testimonies of the Lord healing my own squad mates from their lifelong allergies and illnesses. There were many MANY of those kinds of moments and days that the Lord took us to experience Him on the mountaintops, where eternity pierced into time and we could see Him so tangibly. It gave me a greater hunger and desire to stay on the mountaintop with Him and to see Him move in those ways. I would have stayed on that mountaintop the entire 11 months if it were up to me; however, God’s ways are much higher than my own and his thoughts much higher than my thoughts. It was just last month while coming down from hiking a mountain in Honduras, that I realized I have a much harder time coming down from the mountaintop than I do actually making the trek up. Physically and spiritually speaking, the journey down is a lot harder for me. The whole walking sideways concept when it’s super steep coming down physically scares me as I’m always afraid I’m going to slip and fall, and sometimes I actually do slip and fall. Ouch. When looking at this from a spiritual standpoint, I saw the Lord showing me how hesitant and uncomfortable I get when He calls me back down into the valley seasons, where I have to leave the mountaintop and learn to see and hear Him in the wilderness and dry places.
That wilderness and desert He’s had me in the past few months is where my faith has actually grown the most on this trip. While seeing revival and healings take place is what the Lord has set my heart on fire for and to see His kingdom come to earth as it is in Heaven and standing in awe as eternity invades our finite minds’ comprehension of time, God has painted a beautiful picture deep within my soul of what it means to be filled with all the fullness of Him. (Ephesians 3:17-19) I remember my sweet friend Ally from home wrote me a letter that I’ve read fairly often throughout the course of this thing. She expressed that her prayer for me was to be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God and that I would live a full life, full in the fullness of God. I can definitely testify that He answered her prayers and so many others who have prayed that same prayer over me this year. To me, being filled with all the fullness of God looks like experiencing Him on the mountaintops, deserts, valleys, and wilderness seasons. It looks like Paul in Philippians 4:12-13 when he says, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” I’ve learned and I’m still learning and will always be learning how to be content in any and every situation. Whether God is completely silent and I begin to doubt that He’s even listening, or when I see Him move in those powerful only-God-coulda-done-that kind of ways I’ve learned to know Him just as much in the silence as in the moments of divine inspiration and revelation. I’ve been taught how to be content in seeing Him on the days I’m shoveling dirt and digging hundreds of holes, making bricks out of cow poop, teaching English every single day for 2 months straight to kids who make fun of me and hardly mind, fallouts with teammates when things get stressful, extremely long stinky bus rides, and days when all I want is to just be alone but there are humans everywhere and there’s no place to escape besides by putting my headphones in. The days when I’ve felt God was the quietest and nowhere to be found are the days I see him in the precious old lady selling fruit on the corner sitting in the heat, or feel his heart break for the little kids huffing glue on the streets high out of their minds because they have no family to tell them otherwise. I see God in the many permanent missionaries I’ve met this year who have chosen this life every single day because God has chosen them and they’ve said “yes” in obedience. I’ve been encouraged and loved by my fellow teammates and squad mates in more ways than I could possibly list and now we find ourselves at the end of it all.
We’ve made it and now what? What does someone do after experiencing the world in 11 months? I find myself at the end feeling a lot like I did at the beginning. Nervous, excited, uncertain, yet expectant for the Lord to show me which step to take next, because He’s proven himself faithful every single time. This is the end, but the end leading to a new beginning of a life filled with all the fullness of God. I pray in the days ahead I don’t forget all of the faces I had the privilege of encountering. I pray my heart won’t stop breaking for the world because I know God’s heart is breaking. I pray I cherish the valleys more when I realize what I’m walking through and I pray that I’ll never stop singing from the mountaintops giving God all of the praise He deserves.
“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” (Genesis 28:15)
