Before I left for the World Race I remember thinking “wow, I love to write, I can’t wait to blog every detail of my journey!” Wrong. Here’s what I’ve learned:
I have a lot of details, stories, memories, people, places and things in my brain. When I sit down to write just a glimpse into this crazy, cool year I wrestle to find the words. I wrestle for what I feel like the Lord wants you, the reader, to know and understand. If it was up to me I would invite you into every single moment. Every single story. I would invite you to go back to every country with me and step where I have stepped and talk to all the souls I have talked to.
If it was up to me.
But how about a lesson from the last few months? A lesson of the struggle. A lesson of the fight. A lesson of steadfastness and holding on to the Lord and waiting patiently for Him to get me out of a thing called a pit. Of this thing called the middle. Of this thing called a climax.
At the beginning of month 5, leadership decided that they saw some potential in me and decided that I would become a team leader. Reluctantly, I agreed. Knowing that there were things like communication and confrontation and grace and mercy and loving people closest to me that I needed to work on. Knowing that it wasn’t going to be an easy thing to lead women through this race while I am trying to get through it myself. Aside from that, the race is hard in itself. There are things like iron sharpening iron and things like silver being refined in the fire. Things that aren’t comfortable and things that aren’t a 10 on the fun scale.
Here I am, I’ve survived the middle point of the race. But I remember an email from my mentor that told me that after month 5 is when racers start to give up on this thing. As someone who likes to run, the last 5 minutes of a long run are the hardest for me. Knowing that my car is nearby, knowing that there is cold water waiting for me, for some reason it takes everything in me to push through the last 5 minutes as well as I did at the beginning. I would rather walk out those last 5 minutes and have my heart rate down once I get to the car.
While in India, Month 1, I read a book all about creating a good story with your life. A story that glorifies the Lord and makes people want to know Him. A book that in Month 1 was cool but not life changing. Here I am, in a moment where the Lord is reminding me of what I read 7 months ago, I am learning what it is to write a good story with my life. Because in a good story how the character reacts to the middle, the climax, is the most important part. If the character quits, everyone hates the story. People root for the underdog. People want to see the character overcome. You know those movies I’m talking about. The ones that “give you a good feeling, even after the credits roll”.
That’s what I’m trying to live.
I want to live a story with my life that when I am in heaven with the Father that people still have a good feeling about it. That they still talk about all that the Lord did. That they don’t think about me but that they think about Him. Right now I am at the last 5 minutes of that long run. I see the finish line. I see America. I see my car. I see my family and friends. For crying out loud, I see Tucker Tillman in the backseat as we get back to our Saturday morning Starbucks runs for coffee and a free cup of whipped crème.
Do I want to quit? Do I want to walk? Do I want to cruise through the last 3 countries of this race?
The answer is yes.
But no good story has ever happened when the character said yes to quitting. No good story happens when the character fails under the pressure of the struggle. A good story happens when that character makes the choice to look the struggle in the eye, stand up and make some decisions to move forward to the other side of it. To the other side where (s)he is stronger. Where their character is built. Where they’ve been refined in the fire so the Lord can look at the silver and see His reflection. Where people can look on with respect because they aren’t looking at a quitter. Where they can look at the person that left home 11 months before and see someone who is different. Who is changed. Who has more glimpses of the Father in them. Who has more love and grace and mercy. Who has more boldness and courage. Who has more patience and kindness. Who looks out for others more than they look out for themselves. Who loves well and serves well. Someone who no longer gives up on relationships when they get hard but who fights for them knowing that it’s what Christ did for us.
The team and I leave Swaziland in less than a week to make the trek across the ocean, into your time zone and our last continent!!! I cannot believe that I will be on month 9 of this journey. Thank you to everyone that has been following and supporting this journey. I am absolutely blown away by you and all that the Lord has done. Please follow me on instagram @kctilly42 for more frequent updates or even add me on Facebook. I would love for every one of you to follow along the last 3 months as the Lord does what only He can do!!
